Monday, November 15, 2010

OPEN ADOPTION.....

I have to say I am grateful for having an open adoption for so many reason. On Oct 28 I was able to talk to my sweet little Angel Evie for her birthday and on sunday Oct 31(2 yrs mark of me signing my rights) I was able to video chat with Evelyn and her family. IT was so great to see them all. Evelyn and Micah are getting so big. Evelyn sang songs to us (well braden she said :) ) I still enjoyed it. For her birthday I got her a cute little dress and sweater and I made her several hair flowers and headbands. I also wrote her annual birthday letter. It was great to talk to the whole family and see them again.

MY reason for this post today is because I recieved a very special card in the mail .. the sender E. Allen addressed to Heather Hatch. The first thing I noticed when I opened the card was the beautiful picture E drew for me, then I noticed it was written from EVIE. ( not from her parent, but from her) and micah helped too. I felt so speical to have my first letter from Evleyn today. She said thank you for her headbands and outfit and for my letter( makes me feel good that D and L are reading my letters to her every year) I know there will be many more to follow in the future.




I LOVE YOU EVELYN AND THANK YOU FOR MY CARD TODAY!

Friday, November 12, 2010

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

(Evelyn 3 days old with her horse i gave her when she was born)

Once there were two expectant mothers.


One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.



© Brenda Romanchik

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Daddy

Today is a very special. It’s my daddy's 59th birthday, he was taken from me on Sept 23rd 1986, when i was 3 years old, just a few weeks before I was to turn 4. My father died from blood clots. he was taken at such a young age. He left my mother with 3 yr old twins and my little sister who then was about 2 1/2 years old. I never got the chance to know him, share daddy/daughter dates, have him watch me as I left for my school dances, prom or even walk me down the aisle at my wedding. So many things I missed out on by not having a father. I don't really know who he was except for the stories my mother tells me and seeing pictures. you may find it unusual for me to post about this on this blog but I have a reason for this. As I sit and think about my daddy today and where I might be, who I might be, I can't help but think of my little Angel Evelyn. She has a wonderful Daddy who is there for her and can give her blessing and comfort her when she falls and kiss her ouches. A father that will be there when she gets sealed to a wonderful man in the Temple. I think of what she would have had I chosen to keep her. Her father, a good guy, but he wasn’t able or willing to be there for her. He missed all my dr appts, said he would be there and he never was. He saw me once when I was pregnant and then ignored me for over a week until he decided to call me and tell me he no longer loved me. He couldn’t tell me if he would be around. He did show up when she was born, for this I am glad because I can tell her, her birthfather loved her and held her, but wasn’t ready to be a dad at that time. I am grateful she has a wonderful daddy in her life now that is always there for her, who sets a good example for her. These are the blessing of adoption, creating two parent homes.

Monday, November 8, 2010

ADOPTION MYTHS

HERE ARE SOME ADOPTION MYTHS THAT ARE ALSO  FOUND ON ITSABOUTLOVE.ORG



Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.” There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption. Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges. It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption. Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

not quite finished

This still a work in progress, i have soo much more to write----this is the beginning

I had a beautiful little girl on October 28, 2008 @ 8:32am Her name was Madysen AnnLynn Yruegas (Named after my mother Terri Lynn and Ray's Mother Cynthia Ann). When I was 5 months pregnant I made the decision to place my daughter for Adoption thru LDS Family services. Ray and I had talked about getting married and was planning it then he decided he no longer loved me and only loved me as a friend.  This was not an easy decision as her father Ray wanted to keep her, but we couldn't stay together. I wanted my daughter to have more than I did, but most of all I wanted her to have the priesthood in her home. I started looking thru profiles and finally found her parents Daniel and Lynzie. I felt that this was who her parents were suppose to be. Believe me this was not an easy decision as I came out of a marriage, and had a miscarriage. I longed for a family for so long and now I had one but it was not how I wanted my family to be. I knew in my heart that adoption was what was best. It wasnt that I couldnt be happy with her father, but i was missing the gospel. It wasnt that I didnt want to be a single mother, I could be a great mother, but my daughter deserved this gift I was giving her. My adoption is an open adoption. Her new parents are amazing and they love her as much as I do and they love me. Many will not agree with my decision but my daughter will grow up knowing I love her and who I am. She will know why I did this, She will know that I helped her mommy and daddy start a family that they couldnt do on their own. I will forever love her dearly and she will understand. This was a selfless decision. .



Her parents named her Evelyn, she is named after my mother Terri Lynn and Lynzie's mother Terrilynn--- she gets a part of both families. She is also named after Eve. I love Daniel and Lynzie and I am so happy that they are her parents. They have a great love for the gospel and each other. Evelyn will get to experience many things in her life and have the priesthood in her home like she deserves

Saturday, November 6, 2010

domain name change

I have found that i no longer like the name i have chosen for this blog and i am renaming it to my title(except it was taken so i made a small addtion)

I am chainging my blog address to
abirthmothers-love.blogspot.com

please take note as this change will happen tomorrow..

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Child, Their Child

I read this poem in the hospital to Evelyns parents before I left the hospital. This is one of my favorite adoption poems


This is my child, Yet she is not mine-
My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-
She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their
personalities-
She lives strong in my heart, but her heart
feels for them-
She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.
and precious reality-
I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole
I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-
My child, their child it doesn't make sense,
Yet at the same time-
My child, my dream for her to have better, then I
could give,
Their child, their dream, to give her better then
I could give,-
My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her
leaving so much grieving,
Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.
© Heather Corcoran-Schneider

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Skye Hardwick



I will always remember this day. It was a very emotional day for so many. The love I felt for that little girl when she was born, I was not expecting to have such a strong love, i mean i have heard this before but never knew how strong it would be. She was everything I imagined and more. The 3 days I was able to be her Mommy and love on her and cuddle and feed and love and kiss and cuddle, I cherish those days forever.

Recently at a birthmother group meeting, a fellow birthmother shared a story of when she meet her birthmother and was told she was held and cuddled and loved by her, brought comfort to her knowing her mother loved her and didnt just give her away, this brought so much strength and comfort to me as I hit my 2 year mark. I can tell Evelyn I held her, Loved her, kissed her. I will never forget the time that I had with my daughter.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

From God’s Arms, To My Arms, To Yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.

But lately I've been thinking,

Cause it's all I've had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I

Should give this child to you.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,

If he wants to know,

How the one who gave him life

Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,

I prayed and paced the floors,

And knew the only peace I'd find,

Was if this child was yours.


And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,

For another girl like me.

But I'm not on a soapbox,

Saying how we all should be.

I'm just trusting in my feelings,

And I'm trusting God above,

And I'm trusting you can give this baby

Both his mothers' love.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.


(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )



© Michael McLean

Monday, November 1, 2010

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH!!!!



The R HOUSE gave a challenge to post about adoption everyday in November.  November is National Adoption Month.  Now I already am not that great at posting on this blog all the time, but I will definitely try to post everyday starting with today.

I am grateful for my open adoption. 2 years ago Oct 31 I signed my rights as Evelyn's Mother. I had a the opportunity to speak in another Ward yesterday about my adoption experience, it was my first time speaking to a large group of LDS men and woman, I am used to speaking to teenagers in high school classrooms. Needless to stay it was a wonderful experience, I felt I was all over the place and rambled on several times, I really hope I made somewhat sense yesterday. I love sharing my story with others as I was older when I placed my little angel.

Also yesterday I got to see Evelyn thru Skype, I have used Skype with my family before but this was a wonderful experience, you see I use to see Evelyn in person until she moved to Boston so her daddy could get his Masters. Evelyn was adorable yesterday, she had on the little dress i bought her for her birthday. She was pretty much into the video thing. She sang Twinkle Twinkle and the ABC song, she was really singing it for Braden, she said it was for was Braden, she does love him :). it was precious to hear her sing and how smart she is. She met our dog Sadie and loved her. I am so grateful for Danny and Lynzie for thinking about me on Evie's birthday on 10/28/2010. I got a sweet call from Lynzie in the am and it was good to hear Lynzie and catch up a bit with her. I talked to Ev to for a second she was busy playing which was fine, I enjoyed talking to Lynzie.

I have a strong testimony of adoption, open adoption. I am so grateful Ev has 2 parents and is sealed to them for Eternity. I know I made the right decision and never regret my choice.

EVELYN I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

HAPPY 2ND BIRTHDAY EVELYN GISELLE














2 years ago i had a beautiful little girl. she was perfect. no cone head no white stuff. just perfect little girl i have ever seen. she was born at 832am  7lbs 1oz 20 inches long. she never cried (only when aunt Lala put her cold hands on her belly. the first night she didn't sleep very well or eat much, she was up throwing up most of the night,  when my sister and mom returned the next morning at 9am we  called the nurse in she still wasn't keeping anything down , it turned she had a bunch of yucky fluid in her tummy and had to have it pumped, my sweet sister Laura went with Evelyn to have this done, as i couldn't bear seeing my baby in pain. she came back and was a happy baby and starting eating a ton. we would have to wake her her up at night for her feedings. i didn't sleep much those 3 long days in the hospital (they were 3 long wonderful days), 3 days i was able to be her mother, love her, care for her, learn her little quirks, feed her and cuddle her. she was mine for those days, i cherished every second with her, wanting her know how much i loved and love her still. then it was time for her to go home with her mommy and daddy, who i had picked out with the help of the Lord's guidance. That was a really hard day in my life to leave the hospital without her in my car, but i know she was going home with right family.

She is an very loved little girl. She has blessed lives of those around her in so many ways. She blessed my life and for her I am grateful. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LITTLE GIRL! ENJOY THIS DAY AND ALWAYS REMEMBER I LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT AND WILL NEVER STOP LOVING YOU!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

here is my vent, the one and only ever on this blog!

some people jsut need to keep there mouths shut. just because you place a baby for adoption and then get married doesnt mean you an unfit mother and shouldnt be having more kids, now i am not prego, but one day would like to be and have a family of my own with my husband.
this wasnt easy what I did and I hurt and hold it in sometimes. 2 years is coming up and I cant help but think of my little girl everyday, every minute, every second of my day. My choice has affected and hurt alot of people but has anyone ever thought of what i am feeling, how this has affected me, how 2 years affecting me and not having her here in AZ to see her on her birthday. i am throwing it out there WHAT ABOUT ME, WHAT ABOUT MY FEELINGS, THIS ISNT ABOUT YOU ITS ABOUT ME! (I had to get that out). I have had alot of support thru this process but sometimes i feel as though I am suppose to just get over it, well guess what I will never get over it, I will move on, move on with my life and my family, but i will never forget her, or stop talking about and bragging about her. The emotional struggle will get easier, i will alway miss her, BUT I NEVER EVER REGRET MY DECISION, I DID IT FOR HER NOT FOR ME, SHE DESERVES THE WORLD, THE BEST, A MOM AND DAD, ETERNAL FAMILY AND THE PRIESTHOOD, AND SHE HAS IT... SO NO I DONT REGRET THIS CHOICE WHAT SO EVER!.


Thank you to all those who have never judged me and understand my choice, especially my family and closest friends!!!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

2 years is coming up

October has turned into an emotional month. as soon as the heat goes away my mind starts thinking about the days leading up to my delivery of my sweet blessing. i can't help but find my mind wandering at work as i look up at the pictures of Evie and our visits we have together i get teary eyed and have to remember i am at work and some people know about Evie at work but not every one. My team knows and i find myself thinking of the up coming Birthday and I find myself not wanting to bring it up to my teammates and when i get teary i hold back because they don't understand and i have had several not nice things said, so work is hard, i have one lady who's son placed a little girl a few months after i did and i find on my hard days she notices and asks if i am ok and i tell her about Evelyn and share Evelyn's pictures with her and it helps having at least one person at work who understands.. i am so grateful for Evelyn coming into my life when she did,s he has truly blessed my life in so many ways. I miss her everyday and this year is a little harder as she is in Boston and I wont see her for her birthday, i will admit i struggle with that, but i know i wont always get to see and spend her birthday with her, that's ok.  Evelyn I will always love you, your never far from my thoughts.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Boston

My Angel is soo big.. she will be 2 years old next month... these are pictures i just got from her mommy in Boston. she is loving boston and has a best friend too :) she is growing up!!
My favorite of all

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The big MOVE!

This week my ANGEL gets to take a wonderful adventure with her family to BOSTON, they will be there for a year. Danny will be going to school for his Masters. My head has been thinking alot lately. I am so excited for them to go to Boston, I knew this was a possibilty, they talked to me about it when I was pregnant. I was ok with this and I am still ok with this. Its jsut going to be a little hard knowing they are a couple thousand miles away. I know they are a phone call away, I know they will update their blog and email me. I know they won't forget about me. Just knowing she isnt 20 mins away is hard. Again I am very excited for the adventures they are going to be experiencing, these are just my thoughts.

I am so grateful to have an open adoption, that while they maybe a couple thousand miles away I know I will still get to see her grow up. I can't believe its going to be 2 years in Ocotber, feels like it was yesterday. The pain is gone, I was told by a fellow BM that it gets easier, she was 6 months into her adoption, and I can say it surely does get easier. Your love for your baby never goes away, it just gets stronger. Seeing how much love she has around her and how much her parents love her and her growth, i mean she is talking and recognizing people, reassures my choice.

I have always known I made the right choice for my Angel, she is exactly where she is suppose to be, The Allens were always meant to be her parents, I knew adoption was a choice long before I knew I was choosing adoption.


I will always love my Angel, there isnt a moment she is thought about or a picture of her isnt looked at.

ANGEL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND  WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU AND NEVER FORGET ABOUT YOU!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Say Heather!

20 months have gone by fast, I never pictured the day my Angel would say my name. She is such a little talker. She knows who I am and can sa my name. She would get excited up and leap from my mom's arms to me. I loved it. I loved watching her grow up as a baby but now she is a toddler and a very independant little girl. I jsut LOVE her so much and I am ever so grateful for her parents and having such an open adoption and being part of their lives.

video

Summertime Swim

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Child, Their Child


My Child, Their Child


This is my child, Yet she is not mine-

My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-

She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their

personalities-

She lives strong in my heart, but her heart

feels for them-

She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.



Yet she's their dream come true, their beautiful

and precious reality-

I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole

I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-

My child, their child it doesn't make sense,

Yet at the same time-

My child, my dream for her to have better, then I

could give,

Their child, their dream, to give her better then

I could give,-

My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her

leaving so much grieving,

Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.

© Heather Corcoran-Schneider

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Birthmother's Day lunch

I got to spend some time with my angel and her family and little brother. Braden and I met them at Flancer's in GIlbert. We had such a great visit, I got to play with my angel. I can't believe how big and smart she is getting. They gave her a hair cut, making her a little person now. She knows who I am and I love it. I don't ever want her to forget who I am. While we ate lunch I played with her. We played the where are my eyes game. I asked her my eyes, nose, mouth, ears .. she knew where they all were. She loves her water and was saying aqua and mommy. She watch tv with her thumb in her mouth. OH how I love the little girl. I am so gratful for an open adoption and the Love her parents show me.




.

Friday, May 7, 2010

May 8th 2010---BIRTHMOTHERS DAY

 Please remember your birthmothers tomorrow.. this is one of the hardest days for us. I find this to be a hard day for me. this is my 2nd birthmothers day.  I am truely grateful for baby girls parents. they never forget about me .. about the 8 hours of labor and giving birth. i truely feel loved but i always feel a small empty hole. sometimes i wish i could be her mommy just for that moment but when i see her smile and the love of her parents i remember why. thank you allens for never forgetting about me.. you make a hard day easier for me



Birthmother's Day




Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh first conceived the idea as a result of her own adoption experience. She knew she was a mother, but didn't feel recognized as such, either by those around her or by her daughter's parents. Remembering the feelings she'd experienced at her daughter's birth - feelings of triumph and euphoria - she used them to help in her own healing.



May Birth Mother's Day bring acknowledgement and recognition to every birth mother who ever loved a child lost to adoption. May it honor and celebrate every mother who became childless after birthing a child, and was forgotten on Mother's Day.



- Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh





For birthmothers, the observance can be a time to affirm joys and acknowledge the sorrow, grief, and pain that are a part of many experiences. It can also be a time to break the silence and release years of anguish, worry, shame, or guilt. The purpose of Marsh's Birth Mother's Day ceremony is insight, affirmation, growth, and wisdom.



Recognizing Birthmothers



Whether you choose to recognize your own, others', or all birthmothers on Mother's Day and/or Birthmother's Day, there are many different ways to do so:

•While I use the word "birthmother" here on the site since it seems to be generally understood as referring to a woman who gave birth to a child placed for adoption, many women prefer other words or phrases. A simple way to honor these women is to use the word or term they choose for themselves.

•Many adoptees in open adoptions and adoptees who have re-connected with their birthmothers, celebrate in personal ways, together as birth and adoptive families, separately with the exchange of cards or gifts, or as part of both Birthmother's Day Ceremonies and traditional Mother's Day events.

•Many celebrate just the one day, Mother's Day, without making a distinction.

•Adoptees, their adoptive mothers, and birthmothers who have not re-connected can also share in ceremonies to honor and remember the birthmother experience and the gift of life.

Ceremonies



Attend One. Birthmother's Day ceremonies may be organized by support groups, adoption agencies, and other local groups. Check local listings and our our Community Calendar to see if one is planned in your area.



Create One. You also have the option of planning a ceremony of your own. Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh has written a comprehensive Birth Mother's Day Planner available through Insight: Open Adoption Resources and Support to help organize an event, large or small.



Cards, Gifts, Activities



If attending, or organizing, a ceremony is not your choice, there are other ways to honor birthmothers:

•Write a poem or letter. A personal expression of your feelings will always be appreciated. If you are not reconnected, save what you write for a future time.





•Send a card. Many adoption sites have cards especially for the occasion.





•Give a piece of birthmother jewelry. Using a birthstone or anniversary marker as a place to start, select something unique. Our adoption-related Specialty Shops offer adoption-related jewelry as do several of the more general online adoption shops.





•Send flowers. On our first Mother's Day after reunion, my birthmom actually sent me flowers... Forget-Me-Nots. If you plan on sending flowers rather than delivering them yourself, consider using something like the Children With AIDS Project (CWA) arrangement with FTD.com. You get a discount, and CWA gets a donation.





•Plan to get together.

Check all the shopping resources for books and other items.



In My Families



Birthmother's Day has long been a topic of discussion on our forums, and opinions differ greatly as to whether Birthmother's Day should be observed, why, why not, why we hate it, why we like it, etc. Whatever you do, make sure it fits with your family.



In my reconnection with my birthfamily, I've been fortunate to find myself in the midst of communicators. This has stood us in excellent stead on many fronts, one of which is this peculiar non-holiday called Birthmother's Day. I'd like to share two steps that have helped us to put this in perspective. We have taken a moment...

1.to communicate with each other, to say with love some of the difficult truths: that "Mom" isn't comfortable to say or hear; that celebrating creates too much of a conflict; that 55 years of shame is too hard to acknowledge in front of others.





2.to remember the monumental tragedies of

◦children around the world who have lost their mothers to war, illness, disease, starvation;

◦those who aged out of the foster system years ago and are on their own with no sense of family.

and other families with unique parenting structures, such as

◦step-families;

◦male parent households;

◦non-custodial mothers.

For me, my adoptive family, and birth family, thinking of other mothers and those without any mother to share either day with does nothing to invalidate those emotions we may collectively or individually feel a need to "claim,", and it helps us expand our focus from the minutiae of our daily lives to the world beyond.

Monday, May 3, 2010

April BBQ at our house

This was a very special visit because this was the first time my little sister was going to me her little niece. It was so much fun. Evelyn is a little person now.. She walks and talks and can say things in spanish. It was a very fun visit. We also got to see her little borther, he is so adorable and Ev just loves him to pieces. I was able to visit with Lynzie and have a great talk. Its always good to visit with them.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Fundraiser --Yardsale/ Bakesale April 19 8a-1pm Please come show your supprt

The Mesa LDS Family Service Birthmother is trying to raise money for Birthmother Baskets -- what this is a a small basket of items for each birthmother to show our love and support for their selfless act. We hand deliver them to each girl.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Choice to be HAPPY

at group on Wednesday this week, Sharon brought a conference talk by Elder Christofferson (here) on Moral Discipline. It really came in a time of need for me. this past Sunday I found out my little angel and her family will be moving to Boston for her Daddy to go to school. he will be going to Harvard for school leadership, here is the program here I took this pretty hard. Don’t get me wrong I am very happy for them and my angel. this will be a great experience and has motivated me to finish my degree as well. it was hard for me because I am used to having them only 20 mins away now they will be 2200 miles away from me. they move the first week of August. As a planner I am not sure what the future visits will be like, but I know that we have good communication and it will all work itself out. I am very happy with where my adoption is at right now and how things are. I know the move right now isn’t permanent , it’s for 9 months. I found this talk very uplifting because it reminded me that I have free agency and to me that means I can choose to be happy about this or sit and mope and not be happy, that I can choose to make this hard and emotional or I can choose to be happy for them. One thing I learned quickly after placing my daughter was that I had choices and even though this was a hard choice, the hardest I will ever make in life, I choose to be happy and not sit around and be miserable. Yes I did cry and still do cry at times when I am missing her or I see a little baby. I miss my angel, but I always have to remind myself why I placed her, to give her everything I couldn’t offer. Here are some points that really stood out to me. Thank you Sharon for sharing this with us at group, it really did come in time of need.


“Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard.”

“By “moral discipline,” I mean self-discipline based on moral standards. Moral discipline is the consistent exercise of agency to choose the right because it is right, even when it is hard. It rejects the self-absorbed life in favor of developing character worthy of respect and true greatness through Christlike service (see Mark 10:42–45). The root of the word discipline is shared by the word disciple, suggesting to the mind the fact that conformity to the example and teachings of Jesus Christ is the ideal discipline that, coupled with His grace, forms a virtuous and morally excellent person.”


I told myself after I placed My Angel that I needed to make a choice, I was either going to sit in my room all day every hour and sulk in my sorrow, or I was going to be HAPPY, because I wanted My Angel to be proud of me, to see that I acomplished all my goals in life that I was happy and at peace with my decision., Yes I had and still have my hard days where I miss Evie and just want her to be here with me, but I made a choice to give her a better life and when I see how HAPPY she is my sad day turns around into a HAPPY day because she has everything and more that I could ever give her.

Friday, March 12, 2010

"Sunday will Come"

This talk was given to me by my sweet, caring caseworker Audra. I love this talk. I find love and meaning behind this talk. I know Our Heavenly Father loves us and understands the pains we as birthmothers suffer. The daily aches, emptiness, pains, tears we shed, loneliness, he understands and loves us. I know he has a plan for us. For me this talk really relates to me. I had my daughter on Tuesday Oct 28th 2008, but I wasn’t able to sing until Oct 31 a Friday, this Friday was a painful day for me as I knew I no longer would be my Angel's mother, she would be getting a new mommy, the mommy she deserved, someone who could give her everything. Christ was crucified on a Friday and Sunday our Savior rose up from his grave. Christ died for us, for our sins. That Sunday following placement was a peaceful day for me, even though it was still new, the pain unbearable, I felt the love of my Savoir and Father in Heaven comforting me, telling me and reminding me this was the right thing and it will get easier. I truly can say 16 1/2 months later it does get easier, not to say I don’t have my hard days, or miss her unbearably, or want to hold her, or see a pregnant girl and get jealous. Yes I am married now, so it's ok for me to have kids now, but I am still not ready for them, I emotional don't think I am, but i see my friends with their new babies and I can’t help but sometimes be jealous of them, but then I have my loving husband right by side and I feel better. I love my friends and the love and support they show me in this decision I have made.


Sunday Will Come
Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
Joseph B. Wirthlin, “Sunday Will Come,” Ensign, Nov 2006, 28–30


Because of the life and eternal sacrifice of the Savior of the world, we will be reunited with those we have cherished.
I am grateful to be with you today and to draw strength from your testimonies. More than words can express, I am grateful for your kind words of support, your expressions of love, and your prayers.

Today I would like to indulge in a few personal memories.

I was born of goodly parents. From my father, Joseph L. Wirthlin, I learned the values of hard work and compassion. He was bishop of our ward during the Great Depression. He possessed a genuine concern for those in distress. He reached out to those in need not because it was his duty but because it was his sincere desire.

He tirelessly cared for and blessed the lives of many who suffered. In my mind, he was an ideal bishop.

Those who knew my father knew how active he was. Someone once told me that he could do the work of three men. He rarely slowed down. In 1938 he was operating a successful business when he received a call from the President of the Church, Heber J. Grant.

President Grant told him they were reorganizing the Presiding Bishopric that day and wanted my father to serve as counselor to LeGrand Richards. This caught my father by surprise, and he asked if he could pray about it first.

President Grant said, “Brother Wirthlin, there are only 30 minutes before the next session of conference, and I want to have some rest. What do you say?”

Of course, my father said yes. He served 23 years, 9 of them as Presiding Bishop of the Church.

My father was 69 years old when he passed away. I happened to be with him when he suddenly collapsed. Soon after, he was gone.

I often think about my father. I miss him.

My mother, Madeline Bitner, was another great influence in my life. In her youth she was a fine athlete and a champion sprinter. She was always kind and loving, but her pace was exhausting. Often she would say, “Hurry up.” And when she did, we picked up the pace. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I had quick acceleration when I played football.

My mother had great expectations for her children and expected the best from them. I can still remember her saying, “Don’t be a scrub. You must do better.” Scrub was her word for someone who was lazy and not living up to his potential.

My mother passed away when she was 87 years old, and I think about her often and miss her more than I can say.

My younger sister Judith was an author, composer, and educator. She loved many things, including the gospel, music, and archaeology. Judith’s birthday was a few days before mine. Every year I would give her a crisp one-dollar bill as my birthday present to her. Three days later she would give me 50 cents as her birthday present to me.

Judith passed away a few years ago. I miss her and think of her often.

And that brings me to my wife, Elisa. I remember the first time I met her. As a favor to a friend, I had gone to her home to pick up her sister, Frances. Elisa opened the door, and at least for me, it was love at first sight.
I think she must have felt something too, for the first words I ever remember her saying were, “I knew who you was.”

Elisa was an English major.

To this day I still cherish those five words as some of the most beautiful in human language.

She loved to play tennis and had a lightning serve. I tried to play tennis with her, but I finally quit after coming to the realization that I couldn’t hit what I couldn’t see.

She was my strength and my joy. Because of her, I am a better man, husband, and father. We married, had eight children, and walked together through 65 years of life.

I owe more to my wife than I can possibly express. I don’t know if there ever was a perfect marriage, but, from my perspective, I think ours was.

When President Hinckley spoke at Sister Wirthlin’s funeral, he said that it is a devastating, consuming thing to lose someone you love. It gnaws at your soul.

He was right. As Elisa was my greatest joy, now her passing is my greatest sorrow.

In the lonely hours I have spent a great deal of time thinking about eternal things. I have contemplated the comforting doctrines of eternal life.

During my life I have heard many sermons on the Resurrection. Like you, I can recite the events of that first Easter Sunday. I have marked in my scriptures passages regarding the Resurrection and have close at hand many of the key statements uttered by latter-day prophets on this subject.

We know what the Resurrection is—the reuniting of the spirit and body in its perfect form.1

President Joseph F. Smith said “that those from whom we have to part here, we will meet again and see as they are. We will meet the same identical being that we associated with here in the flesh.”2

President Spencer W. Kimball amplified this when he said, “I am sure that if we can imagine ourselves at our very best, physically, mentally, spiritually, that is the way we will come back.”3

When we are resurrected, “this mortal body is raised to an immortal body. … [We] can die no more.”4

Can you imagine that? Life at our prime? Never sick, never in pain, never burdened by the ills that so often beset us in mortality?

The Resurrection is at the core of our beliefs as Christians. Without it, our faith is meaningless. The Apostle Paul said, “If Christ be not risen, then is our preaching vain, and [our] faith is also vain.”5

In all the history of the world there have been many great and wise souls, many of whom claimed special knowledge of God. But when the Savior rose from the tomb, He did something no one had ever done. He did something no one else could do. He broke the bonds of death, not only for Himself but for all who have ever lived—the just and the unjust.6

When Christ rose from the grave, becoming the firstfruits of the Resurrection, He made that gift available to all. And with that sublime act, He softened the devastating, consuming sorrow that gnaws at the souls of those who have lost precious loved ones.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross.

On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

Those evil men who sought His life rejoiced. Now that Jesus was no more, surely those who followed Him would disperse. On that day they stood triumphant.

On that day the veil of the temple was rent in twain.

Mary Magdalene and Mary, the mother of Jesus, were both overcome with grief and despair. The superb man they had loved and honored hung lifeless upon the cross.

On that Friday the Apostles were devastated. Jesus, their Savior—the man who had walked on water and raised the dead—was Himself at the mercy of wicked men. They watched helplessly as He was overcome by His enemies.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

I testify to you that the Resurrection is not a fable. We have the personal testimonies of those who saw Him. Thousands in the Old and New Worlds witnessed the risen Savior. They felt the wounds in His hands, feet, and side. They shed tears of unrestrained joy as they embraced Him.

After the Resurrection, the disciples became renewed. They traveled throughout the world proclaiming the glorious news of the gospel.

Had they chosen, they could have disappeared and returned to their former lives and occupations. In time, their association with Him would have been forgotten.

They could have denied the divinity of Christ. Yet they did not. In the face of danger, ridicule, and threat of death, they entered palaces, temples, and synagogues boldly proclaiming Jesus the Christ, the resurrected Son of the living God.

Many of them offered as a final testimony their own precious lives. They died as martyrs, the testimony of the risen Christ on their lips as they perished.

The Resurrection transformed the lives of those who witnessed it. Should it not transform ours?

We will all rise from the grave. And on that day my father will embrace my mother. On that day I will once again hold in my arms my beloved Elisa.

Because of the life and eternal sacrifice of the Savior of the world, we will be reunited with those we have cherished.

On that day we will know the love of our Heavenly Father. On that day we will rejoice that the Messiah overcame all that we could live forever.

Because of the sacred ordinances we receive in holy temples, our departure from this brief mortality cannot long separate relationships that have been fastened together with cords made of eternal ties.

It is my solemn testimony that death is not the end of existence. “If in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men most miserable.”7 Because of the risen Christ, “death is swallowed up in victory.”8

Because of our beloved Redeemer, we can lift up our voices, even in the midst of our darkest Fridays, and proclaim, “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?”9
When President Hinckley spoke of the terrible loneliness that comes to those who lose the ones they love, he also promised that in the quiet of the night a still, unheard voice whispers peace to our soul: “All is well.”

I am grateful beyond measure for the sublime true doctrines of the gospel and for the gift of the Holy Ghost, which has whispered to my soul the comforting and peaceful words promised by our beloved prophet.

From the depths of my sorrow, I have rejoiced in the glory of the gospel. I rejoice that the Prophet Joseph Smith was chosen to restore the gospel to the earth in this last dispensation. I rejoice that we have a prophet, President Gordon B. Hinckley, who directs the Lord’s Church in our day.

May we understand and live in thanksgiving for the priceless gifts that come to us as sons and daughters of a loving Heavenly Father and for the promise of that bright day when we shall all rise triumphant from the grave.

That we may always know that no matter how dark our Friday, Sunday will come is my prayer, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.



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Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Monday, March 8, 2010