Monday, November 15, 2010

OPEN ADOPTION.....

I have to say I am grateful for having an open adoption for so many reason. On Oct 28 I was able to talk to my sweet little Angel Evie for her birthday and on sunday Oct 31(2 yrs mark of me signing my rights) I was able to video chat with Evelyn and her family. IT was so great to see them all. Evelyn and Micah are getting so big. Evelyn sang songs to us (well braden she said :) ) I still enjoyed it. For her birthday I got her a cute little dress and sweater and I made her several hair flowers and headbands. I also wrote her annual birthday letter. It was great to talk to the whole family and see them again.

MY reason for this post today is because I recieved a very special card in the mail .. the sender E. Allen addressed to Heather Hatch. The first thing I noticed when I opened the card was the beautiful picture E drew for me, then I noticed it was written from EVIE. ( not from her parent, but from her) and micah helped too. I felt so speical to have my first letter from Evleyn today. She said thank you for her headbands and outfit and for my letter( makes me feel good that D and L are reading my letters to her every year) I know there will be many more to follow in the future.




I LOVE YOU EVELYN AND THANK YOU FOR MY CARD TODAY!

Friday, November 12, 2010

An Openly Adopted Child's Legacy

(Evelyn 3 days old with her horse i gave her when she was born)

Once there were two expectant mothers.


One carried and cared for you beneath her beating heart

She became your Birthmother.

The other carried the hope of you within her.

She became your Mom.

As the days passed, and you grew bigger and stronger,

Your Birthmother knew that she could not give you all you needed after your birth.

Meanwhile, your Mom was ready and waiting for you.

One day your Birthmom and your Mom found each other.

They looked into each other’s eyes and saw a friend.

Your Birthmom saw the life your Mom could give you.

Your Mom saw how much your Birthmom loved and cared for you.

They decided that what you needed was both kinds of love in your life.

So now you have two families,

One by birth, the other by adoption.

And you have a home where you can get:

your questions answered,

your boo boos bandaged,

your heartaches soothed,

And much needed hugs.

And a place where you can find:

answers to your questions,

your image in the mirror,

a part of yourself,

And much needed hugs.

Two different kinds of families

Two different kinds of love

Both a part of you.



© Brenda Romanchik

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

My Daddy

Today is a very special. It’s my daddy's 59th birthday, he was taken from me on Sept 23rd 1986, when i was 3 years old, just a few weeks before I was to turn 4. My father died from blood clots. he was taken at such a young age. He left my mother with 3 yr old twins and my little sister who then was about 2 1/2 years old. I never got the chance to know him, share daddy/daughter dates, have him watch me as I left for my school dances, prom or even walk me down the aisle at my wedding. So many things I missed out on by not having a father. I don't really know who he was except for the stories my mother tells me and seeing pictures. you may find it unusual for me to post about this on this blog but I have a reason for this. As I sit and think about my daddy today and where I might be, who I might be, I can't help but think of my little Angel Evelyn. She has a wonderful Daddy who is there for her and can give her blessing and comfort her when she falls and kiss her ouches. A father that will be there when she gets sealed to a wonderful man in the Temple. I think of what she would have had I chosen to keep her. Her father, a good guy, but he wasn’t able or willing to be there for her. He missed all my dr appts, said he would be there and he never was. He saw me once when I was pregnant and then ignored me for over a week until he decided to call me and tell me he no longer loved me. He couldn’t tell me if he would be around. He did show up when she was born, for this I am glad because I can tell her, her birthfather loved her and held her, but wasn’t ready to be a dad at that time. I am grateful she has a wonderful daddy in her life now that is always there for her, who sets a good example for her. These are the blessing of adoption, creating two parent homes.

Monday, November 8, 2010

ADOPTION MYTHS

HERE ARE SOME ADOPTION MYTHS THAT ARE ALSO  FOUND ON ITSABOUTLOVE.ORG



Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.” There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption. Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges. It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption. Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

not quite finished

This still a work in progress, i have soo much more to write----this is the beginning

I had a beautiful little girl on October 28, 2008 @ 8:32am Her name was Madysen AnnLynn Yruegas (Named after my mother Terri Lynn and Ray's Mother Cynthia Ann). When I was 5 months pregnant I made the decision to place my daughter for Adoption thru LDS Family services. Ray and I had talked about getting married and was planning it then he decided he no longer loved me and only loved me as a friend.  This was not an easy decision as her father Ray wanted to keep her, but we couldn't stay together. I wanted my daughter to have more than I did, but most of all I wanted her to have the priesthood in her home. I started looking thru profiles and finally found her parents Daniel and Lynzie. I felt that this was who her parents were suppose to be. Believe me this was not an easy decision as I came out of a marriage, and had a miscarriage. I longed for a family for so long and now I had one but it was not how I wanted my family to be. I knew in my heart that adoption was what was best. It wasnt that I couldnt be happy with her father, but i was missing the gospel. It wasnt that I didnt want to be a single mother, I could be a great mother, but my daughter deserved this gift I was giving her. My adoption is an open adoption. Her new parents are amazing and they love her as much as I do and they love me. Many will not agree with my decision but my daughter will grow up knowing I love her and who I am. She will know why I did this, She will know that I helped her mommy and daddy start a family that they couldnt do on their own. I will forever love her dearly and she will understand. This was a selfless decision. .



Her parents named her Evelyn, she is named after my mother Terri Lynn and Lynzie's mother Terrilynn--- she gets a part of both families. She is also named after Eve. I love Daniel and Lynzie and I am so happy that they are her parents. They have a great love for the gospel and each other. Evelyn will get to experience many things in her life and have the priesthood in her home like she deserves

Saturday, November 6, 2010

domain name change

I have found that i no longer like the name i have chosen for this blog and i am renaming it to my title(except it was taken so i made a small addtion)

I am chainging my blog address to
abirthmothers-love.blogspot.com

please take note as this change will happen tomorrow..

Friday, November 5, 2010

My Child, Their Child

I read this poem in the hospital to Evelyns parents before I left the hospital. This is one of my favorite adoption poems


This is my child, Yet she is not mine-
My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-
She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their
personalities-
She lives strong in my heart, but her heart
feels for them-
She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.
and precious reality-
I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole
I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-
My child, their child it doesn't make sense,
Yet at the same time-
My child, my dream for her to have better, then I
could give,
Their child, their dream, to give her better then
I could give,-
My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her
leaving so much grieving,
Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.
© Heather Corcoran-Schneider

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Skye Hardwick



I will always remember this day. It was a very emotional day for so many. The love I felt for that little girl when she was born, I was not expecting to have such a strong love, i mean i have heard this before but never knew how strong it would be. She was everything I imagined and more. The 3 days I was able to be her Mommy and love on her and cuddle and feed and love and kiss and cuddle, I cherish those days forever.

Recently at a birthmother group meeting, a fellow birthmother shared a story of when she meet her birthmother and was told she was held and cuddled and loved by her, brought comfort to her knowing her mother loved her and didnt just give her away, this brought so much strength and comfort to me as I hit my 2 year mark. I can tell Evelyn I held her, Loved her, kissed her. I will never forget the time that I had with my daughter.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

From God’s Arms, To My Arms, To Yours

So many wrong decisions in my past, I'm not quite sure
If I can ever hope to trust my judgement anymore.

But lately I've been thinking,

Cause it's all I've had to do.

And in my heart I feel that I

Should give this child to you.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before, By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

If you choose to tell him,

If he wants to know,

How the one who gave him life

Could bear to let him go.

Just tell him there were sleepless nights,

I prayed and paced the floors,

And knew the only peace I'd find,

Was if this child was yours.


And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.

This may not be the answer,

For another girl like me.

But I'm not on a soapbox,

Saying how we all should be.

I'm just trusting in my feelings,

And I'm trusting God above,

And I'm trusting you can give this baby

Both his mothers' love.

And maybe, you could tell your baby,

When you love him so, that he's been loved before,

By someone, who delivered your son,

From God's arms, to my arms, to yours.


(This poem was based on the writings of a young birth mother, whom she shared with songwriter Michael McClean. It has been set to music and comes with a 100% guarantee that no one who has been involved with adoption in any way will make it all the way through with dry eyes! )



© Michael McLean

Monday, November 1, 2010

NATIONAL ADOPTION MONTH!!!!



The R HOUSE gave a challenge to post about adoption everyday in November.  November is National Adoption Month.  Now I already am not that great at posting on this blog all the time, but I will definitely try to post everyday starting with today.

I am grateful for my open adoption. 2 years ago Oct 31 I signed my rights as Evelyn's Mother. I had a the opportunity to speak in another Ward yesterday about my adoption experience, it was my first time speaking to a large group of LDS men and woman, I am used to speaking to teenagers in high school classrooms. Needless to stay it was a wonderful experience, I felt I was all over the place and rambled on several times, I really hope I made somewhat sense yesterday. I love sharing my story with others as I was older when I placed my little angel.

Also yesterday I got to see Evelyn thru Skype, I have used Skype with my family before but this was a wonderful experience, you see I use to see Evelyn in person until she moved to Boston so her daddy could get his Masters. Evelyn was adorable yesterday, she had on the little dress i bought her for her birthday. She was pretty much into the video thing. She sang Twinkle Twinkle and the ABC song, she was really singing it for Braden, she said it was for was Braden, she does love him :). it was precious to hear her sing and how smart she is. She met our dog Sadie and loved her. I am so grateful for Danny and Lynzie for thinking about me on Evie's birthday on 10/28/2010. I got a sweet call from Lynzie in the am and it was good to hear Lynzie and catch up a bit with her. I talked to Ev to for a second she was busy playing which was fine, I enjoyed talking to Lynzie.

I have a strong testimony of adoption, open adoption. I am so grateful Ev has 2 parents and is sealed to them for Eternity. I know I made the right decision and never regret my choice.

EVELYN I LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER!