Monday, November 8, 2010

ADOPTION MYTHS

HERE ARE SOME ADOPTION MYTHS THAT ARE ALSO  FOUND ON ITSABOUTLOVE.ORG



Most birth mothers who place their babies for adoption are teenagers. Most birth mothers who choose adoption are in their early twenties, although women of all ages make this decision.
Birth parents who place their babies for adoption are abandoning their responsibility and taking the “easy way out.” There is no easy way out of unplanned pregnancy; any option involves emotional pain. Most birth mothers who do not choose abortion make the choice initially to parent their babies. Those who choose adoption do so after taking some time to carefully consider their options and the best interests of their child. Adoption is a courageous, loving choice which shows that the birth mother takes seriously the responsibility to be a parent.

An adoptive parent cannot love a child as much as a biological parent can. Love is not based on biology. Many loving relationships are between individuals who are not related to each other, such as husbands and wives. The love of a parent comes from preparing for a child and selflessly nurturing and caring for that child.

A birth mother can reclaim her child after adoption. Once a birth mother’s rights have been terminated, she cannot reclaim her child. Cases of birth parents obtaining custody after adoption are extremely rare and are exaggerated by the media.

After a child has been placed, a birth mother cannot have any contact with the child. Adoption practices have changed over the years. Today most birth mothers have some contact with their children. Arrangements are agreed upon by the birth mother and the adoptive parents and are based upon the needs and desires of all concerned.

Children who were adopted are more likely to have physical or emotional challenges. It is impossible to predict how any child will turn out, whether biological or adopted. Generally, children who were adopted as infants are as emotionally healthy as children who were not adopted. Children who were adopted when older may have challenges resulting from adverse conditions in their early lives, such as neglect, abuse, or lack of attachment. These challenges do not result from the adoption itself.

Birth mothers never recover from the emotional pain of placing a child for adoption. Birth mothers who choose adoption go through a grieving process, which is a healthy way of dealing with loss. But most birth mothers also report finding peace in the knowledge that they did all in their power to provide the best life possible for their child. They find that the experience gives them the strength and confidence to face other challenges throughout their lives.

2 comments:

  1. I used to think that most birthmothers were teenagers because never in my wildest dreams could I imagine people in their 20's or older considering adoption. I have learned that they do consider and do it.
    I think to point out a few things though. While, today's adoptions, most people maybe in contact but that's not legally binding and birthparents always have the chance of having the doors shut because of reasons I can't explain.
    Also, I believe that birthmothers can have peace about the decision to place but that doesn't mean that they don't suffer from ever lasting sorrows from that choice. As far as adoptees are concerned, I been reading a lot from adopees that were placed at birth that are not happy as a result and struggle because people just don't understand them. Most common example that comes to mind is how can they love all their parents and the fact that they feel that they have been robbed of their first families. Sometimes, their pain seems do deep that they are hard to read. I know not everyone is the same. I think adoption is a big gamble but then again so is life.

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  2. I'm happy to see your peace with adoption. As an adoptive parent in a open adoption, we are doing everything we can to keep our relationship as open as possible. I want my son to know his biological roots and to know how much his birthmother loves him. We love him, she and her entire family love him as does his birthdad. He has a lot of love and a lot of family in his life. It's been a painful emotional process but I see peace on the horizon and a promising future for all of us.

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