Friday, January 21, 2011

"He'll carry You"

I was at work the other day, a little stressed, so i put on some Hilary Weeks on my Pandora radio (always relaxing) and this song came on. I instantly thought back to the toughest time in my life, where I thought I would never make it out, My heart was ripped from my chest, my Baby was gone, I could only smell her, see her when I closed my eyes, heard her cry when I tried to sleep, yet she wasn't there. I missed her so much those first months after placement. I can say it gets easier and easier, but that doesnt mean I miss her any less or don't think of her every minute of every day. I have her picture on my wall at work, I see her everyday those big beautiful brown eyes, beautiful smile. I was sad again for a moment when this song came on and as I listened to the words closely ( getting distracted at work) I understood the meaning of this song. I was carried by my Heavenly Father, he knows and Knew the pain I would be suffering. HE was there helping me guiding me, keeping the faith in me... letting me know I made the right decision the BEST decision for my ANGEL.

He'll Carry You

He knows your heart
He knows your pain

He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today

He sees the tears that you cry

He knows your soul is aching to know why

He hears your prayers each humble word

When you said you couldn’t face another day he understood

He knows the path that you will find

Though you felt alone he’s never left your side

Chorus:
He knew there’d be moments when no earthly words

Could take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you



He’ll bring you peace and leave you hope

And in the darkest night he’ll comfort you

Until you know the sun will rise and each new day

You will have the strength to live again



Chorus:

And when there are moments when no earthly words

can take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you

He hears you when you’re crying in the night

He hears you when your soul longs to find

Till the morning will come

And the light of the dawn reassures

 
Chorus:

That in the moments when no earthly words

can take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you
 
 
This was the hardest thing I know I will have to experience in my life and I know adoption was the BEST choice. I had to think of Heavenly Father's Daughter, he intrusted her to me, and it was my job to get her to the family she was meant to be with. I am so grateful for adoption and the blessings of open adoption. Being able to have visits and emails and video chats with my ANGEL and her AMAZING PARENTS has truely helped my grieving. I know she is very loved but so many people.
 
I have seen adoption touch so many lives, Adoptive couples, birthmothers, brithgrandparents, sisters, brothers, mothers, those who are in the support circle. Adoption is an amazing Miracle to be apart of.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

2 years 2 months 2 weeks 1 day

(E's Blessing------Laura, me, my mom the allens and Evie)

there isn’t a day that doesn’t go by i don’t think of the angel that touched my life, that changed my life. she has made me who i am today. has changed my life goals. she was a dear blessing to me. I feel very blessed to have an open adoption. i am happy and very content with where my adoption has come thus far. the first year of E's life i saw her quite often, this second year was very different than the first year, the reason being is her family moved to Boston for her daddy to get his Masters degree, at first i was very heart broken they were moving all the way on the other side of the US, but then i remembered this news wasn’t new to me.. i had known all D was planning on going to get his masters and the locations he was looking at.. i knew it would be a little harder her 2nd year because of the move, not seeing her as much, but as the days slowly went by i realized i was ok with this.. i still saw pictures on their blog and read the updates, i didn’t feel that far from her at that point.. in 2010 i saw miss E 1 time and that was right before she moved to Boston. What a very fun day, we went swimming and she sat with me swam to me played with me let me cuddle her when she wanted to be wrapped up in her towel.. i enjoyed every last min. I know i would have seen her a few more time in 2010 had they still been in AZ, but it’s ok. i didn’t think i would be ok with it but i really was. 2011 started off wonderful for me.. i got to play with her at the park, even though it was freezing and she had a few spills on the swing, and i stood and talked to L most of the time, i enjoyed watching her be a little toddler and playing on her own. they come back i believe sometime in May this year. I am very excited for them to be back and i know that if they do move again i will be ok with it because i know they are always thinking of me. She will always be my little angel. what a blessing it is to have a loving open adoption. i have been blessed to be apart of so many special events with E and her family. I am grateful i was there seeing her holding her as she became apart of an eternal family, it brought back memories of when i was sealed to my family at 17 yrs old. this is what i had wanted to give her, something i could not give her.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

1-1-11 visit

What a wonderful way to start my New Year off.

A quick little visit with the most amazing family and little girl ever. To Evelyn I am "Header Hatch" I loved evey minute of our visit