how grateful I am that I have an open adoption. I dont think I could have place Evie and not knw how she is or get a visit. I am grateful to the Allens for allowing me and braden and especially my mother for including us in the celebration. It meant alot for me to attend her party. she is getting so big. she is walking and trying to talk. I cant believe how fast they grow up. it was such a great night. There were some hard points of the night when Eveyln didnt want to go to me and let me hold or she just wanted to walk around and do her own thing. It was like she didnt know who I was, and it made me sad. I has prepared my self for the first year not what it would be like after the first year. I thought even though I wasnt around alot that she would still know who I am and want to come to me.. I had a talk with my Husband and finally realized it was because she is with her family and i knew this. plus she is still young and when she gets older and if i see her then she will learn who i am. right now she is still too little to understand everything that is going on.. i just expected her to always remember me know matter. I still have no regrets of my choice. I know without a doubt in my mind that she was meant for the Allens, yes i miss her all the time, i dont miss her cause i want her back, I just miss seeing her and having her around. She was my blessing, she taught me so much and help me come back to church. I know Heavenly Father will never give us a trial we can not handle, even though at that moment in time when I placed her for the last time as her MOTHER, and gave her to Lynzie, I thought I would never live again, survive, move on.... Even though its been a tough year, I feel blessed to have the love of the Allens they show me and my family.
Evelyns birthday was on October 28th her party was sunday nov 1 at grandma and grandpa A's house. everyone was there. My mom came out for the party from california. I am so greatful to the Allens for letting be part of this celebration. Evelyn did so well... She loved her cake that her Mommy made. it was a heart shape cake with white frosting and a fresh strawberry glaze. she didnt know what to do with it at first but then the fun start she had a blast she starting throwing small bits of it, got some on my heels but it was fun. I love when I get to see her. She also walking so well.. I am glad I have an open adoption where I can be part of some of the firsts. she is such an outgoing little girl. I am grateful for the Allens and the love they continue to show me a year later. They mean the world to me and I know my Heavenly Father sent them to me for Evelyn. The whole family enviroment the spirit and love the family has is what i wanted for her. I can now say I have given her the world.