Monday, November 16, 2009

Evelyns 1st Birthday

how grateful I am that I have an open adoption. I dont think I could have place Evie and not knw how she is or get a visit. I am grateful to the Allens for allowing me and braden and especially my mother for including us in the celebration. It meant alot for me to attend her party. she is getting so big. she is walking and trying to talk. I cant believe how fast they grow up. it was such a great night. There were some hard points of the night when Eveyln didnt want to go to me and let me hold or she just wanted to walk around and do her own thing. It was like she didnt know who I was, and it made me sad. I has prepared my self for the first year not what it would be like after the first year. I thought even though I wasnt around alot that she would still know who I am and want to come to me.. I had a talk with my Husband and finally realized it was because she is with her family and i knew this. plus she is still young and when she gets older and if i see her then she will learn who i am. right now she is still too little to understand everything that is going on.. i just expected her to always remember me know matter. I still have no regrets of my choice. I know without a doubt in my mind that she was meant for the Allens, yes i miss her all the time, i dont miss her cause i want her back, I just miss seeing her and having her around. She was my blessing, she taught me so much and help me come back to church. I know Heavenly Father will never give us a trial we can not handle, even though at that moment in time when I placed her for the last time as her MOTHER, and gave her to Lynzie, I thought I would never live again, survive, move on.... Even though its been a tough year, I feel blessed to have the love of the Allens they show me and my family.

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