This has been a hard trying month for me as my year mark came up, my precious daughter turned 1 year old on October 28th and October 31st is the 1 year mark that I signed my rights as her Mother. That day is as clear as I can remember. There were tears of sadness in the beginning then her parents walked in and came directly to me and placed My Angel in front of me to lift out of her car seat and hold for the last time as her mother. I held her for a long time and cried in sadness of what I was doing, thinking “is this really what is best?” “ I can be a wonderful mother and care for her, I have the means, she can have a great life for me”… Then as I looked up at her Parents and saw their happiness and looked at my mother, she shook her head in an approving manner, that she knew no matter how hard for he this was, my family and I that this was truly Our Heavenly Fathers Plan… I knew that my daughter needed a 2 parent home and so much more I could not offer her.... as hard as it was, on that day around 10am I sat and told her all my hopes and dreams and wishes for her, just talked to her for awhile and it seemed as if no one was in the room with me, it was only my daughter and I for that moment, as I signed the final pages I asked Little Miss Evelyn if she was ready to meet her new family, I told her her mother was an amzing lady and that she will have lots of love growing up, she opened her eyes (which was a rarity for her) and look directly at me and at that moment I KNEW this was the right thing.
You may ask if it was hard, yes VERY VERY hard, the first several months about 6 months were the hardest but do I regret my decision NO, Never do I regret giving my daughter an amazing gift, a gift of an Eternal Family and the Priesthood. I have my hard days and sad days that I find myself missing her greatly, then I pull out her pictures and see her with her mom and dad and see the great big smile on her face and I remember why. I love her with all my heart and always will. She will always be my little angel, my gift, my reason for all I do. I will always love her. I will never forget her.. one day I willhave a family of my own and she will hopefully get to know her sibilings.
My Little Angel Evelyn -- I love you so dearly, You are always in my heart. I will never forget you and I hope that one day when the time comes you will understand my reasoning for placing you with your loving Eternal family and know I did this out of love. I love you will all my heart. Kisses and Hugs Always and Forever
This is the poem I gave Evelyns Adoptive parents and read to them the day I placed them with her...
My Child, Their Child
This is my child, Yet she is not mine
My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-
She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their
She lives strong in my heart, but her heart
feels for them-
She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.
Yet she's their dream come true, their beautiful
and precious reality-
I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole
I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-
My child, their child it doesn't make sense,
Yet at the same time-
My child, my dream for her to have better, then I
Their child, their dream, to give her better then
I could give,-
My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her
leaving so much grieving,
Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.
I have been in college since i was 18 years old. I have always been an Early Childhood Education major and have recently changed my major to BSW(social work)... My career plan is to work for LDS Family Services as a adpotive couple caseworker and eventually work with birthmothers...
I am currently looking for scholarships and grants to pay for my education. if anyone knows please let me know... I have already found a scholarship with Lifetime Mother foundation
I placed my beautiful daughter Evelyn for adoption on Oct 31st 2008. She was born Oct 28th 2008 @ 8:32am weighed 7lbs 1oz 20 inches long. She was beautiful when she was deliver, she was perfect nothing wrong with her…. I decided to place my daughter when I was 5 months pregnant after he birthfather had left me…. Yes he wanted to be there but never moved here or made the effort while I was pregnant…. I had a had decision to make, single parent or place for adoption. I was 25 yrs old when I placed her in the arms of her loving parents… This was not the easiest choice to make
For my daughter I wanted her to have so much more than I did. I wanted her to have a father that would be there all the time for her, to have daddy daughter dates and much more. I knew I couldn’t provide this for her. Evelyn deserved so much more than I could give her, I knew with all my heart that adoption was what would be best for my baby. I was so happy that I was able to choose my daughters parents, it meant a lot to me to have an open adoption, I needed to know that she was happy and loved. I needed to be able to have a visit when I was having a hard time, to know the Adoptive Parents cared about me as well as my baby. I also knew an open adoption would ease that pain on my family as well…
She was my first baby, my mother’s first grandchild, my sisters first niece…. They were all affected. I knew my decision would not only affect me for the rest of my life but as well as those around me…
Yes, there was a moment after she was born that I DID change my mind. I thought, how can I do this? Will she understand? Will she love me? Will she hate me? Will she think I didn’t want her? How can I do this to my family? How will I ever overcome this decision? This all crossed my mind when my daughter was 2 days old. At that moment I was not going to place her with her family, that I had already chosen and TOLD she would be theirs, this was my mothers fear, I would change my mind and break their heart, a couple who have been waiting over 6 years to have a family of their own. I said a prayer that last night in the hospital. I called my caseworker the next morning and she did what I told her to remind me why I made this decision. I was being selfish, I wasn’t wanting to bear the days, hours, minutes of pain without my daughter in my arms. At that point I changed my mind, I was placing her with her family, she was theirs for all eternity.
When I met my baby’s parents for the first time I knew they would love her as much as I do. I knew they were perfect for her. When they came around there was a sense of peace and love. I knew they loved me and will love my baby. The day I placed my baby in their arms for the first time after I signed my rights, a sense of peace, comfort and love overwhelmed me. I will not lie this was not an easy decision for me but I thought of what my baby needed and her parents were everything and more. I have given my daughter wonderful gift, a gift of love, I also made ayoung families dreams come true. I am grateful for my baby’s parents and the love they show her, my family and I have been blessed and blessed many others lives with my decision. I love my daughter with all my heart and she will know I have always and will always love her.
I am grateful a year later they still care about me and how I am doing. They understand my needs as a birthmother. They love me so much and I see every time they visit the love they not only have for me but a greater love for my daughter.
So i have been posting my birthmother experiences on our family website and decided today that i would create one dedicated to my experince documenting back to the beginning and thru the rest of the years...so hear is my story