"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart"
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Wow time flies.... Its gone by so fast
This has been a hard trying month for me as my year mark came up, my precious daughter turned 1 year old on October 28th and October 31st is the 1 year mark that I signed my rights as her Mother. That day is as clear as I can remember. There were tears of sadness in the beginning then her parents walked in and came directly to me and placed My Angel in front of me to lift out of her car seat and hold for the last time as her mother. I held her for a long time and cried in sadness of what I was doing, thinking “is this really what is best?” “ I can be a wonderful mother and care for her, I have the means, she can have a great life for me”… Then as I looked up at her Parents and saw their happiness and looked at my mother, she shook her head in an approving manner, that she knew no matter how hard for he this was, my family and I that this was truly Our Heavenly Fathers Plan… I knew that my daughter needed a 2 parent home and so much more I could not offer her.... as hard as it was, on that day around 10am I sat and told her all my hopes and dreams and wishes for her, just talked to her for awhile and it seemed as if no one was in the room with me, it was only my daughter and I for that moment, as I signed the final pages I asked Little Miss Evelyn if she was ready to meet her new family, I told her her mother was an amzing lady and that she will have lots of love growing up, she opened her eyes (which was a rarity for her) and look directly at me and at that moment I KNEW this was the right thing.
You may ask if it was hard, yes VERY VERY hard, the first several months about 6 months were the hardest but do I regret my decision NO, Never do I regret giving my daughter an amazing gift, a gift of an Eternal Family and the Priesthood. I have my hard days and sad days that I find myself missing her greatly, then I pull out her pictures and see her with her mom and dad and see the great big smile on her face and I remember why. I love her with all my heart and always will. She will always be my little angel, my gift, my reason for all I do. I will always love her. I will never forget her.. one day I willhave a family of my own and she will hopefully get to know her sibilings.
My Little Angel Evelyn -- I love you so dearly, You are always in my heart. I will never forget you and I hope that one day when the time comes you will understand my reasoning for placing you with your loving Eternal family and know I did this out of love. I love you will all my heart. Kisses and Hugs Always and Forever
This is the poem I gave Evelyns Adoptive parents and read to them the day I placed them with her...
My Child, Their Child
This is my child, Yet she is not mine
My flesh and blood, but their sweat and tears-
She caries my genes, Yet will be shaped by their
She lives strong in my heart, but her heart
feels for them-
She lives in my fantasies, my dreams.
Yet she's their dream come true, their beautiful
and precious reality-
I gave her life, with which she made theirs whole
I learned so much to love her, that I let her go-
My child, their child it doesn't make sense,
Yet at the same time-
My child, my dream for her to have better, then I
Their child, their dream, to give her better then
I could give,-
My child, so painful, the hurt caused by her
leaving so much grieving,
Yet a world full of happiness in their receiving.