3 years old and growing up so fast

Evelyn turned 3 this past month. I cant believe I am just now posting about this, but I have been busy I was in Cali for my sisters wedding during Evelyns birthday and then we got home and I had to prepare to speak on the birthmother panel at the southwest regional adoption conference, which was a blast( post to come later).

3 years ago I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She was 7lbs 1oz with no hair. She blessed my life so grately. I was able to skype with her and the allen on wednesday this week. Evelyn was just talking up a storm and showing us all her dance moves she has learned in her ballet class. She amazes me everyday. she I living San Fran and they go to museums frequently and loving being at the park. I cant wait to get up to San fran  to see them... more to come

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SWEET ANGEL. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

3 short days

2 days, 13 hours, 55 minutes, until Friday, October 28, 2011 at 8:32:00 AM

Until this precious little girl turns 3 years old

Missing

The days following placement

Mom and Laura left Saturday 11/1 in the am to head back to cali, the birthfather left Sunday. Those days I felt i was caring for others and not myself, in those days I felt so alone, that no one cared about me and what I was going thru; I had just given birth, those contractions were horrible, unbearable (till i got meds), and I had just left the hospital with nothing to show for what I went thru, EMPTY HANDED, yes others around me were hurting, but what about me. Everyone was gone but one person who cared for me so much, Braden, he came over Sunday night and every day after that, never letting me be alone. I couldn’t sleep at night , the only time I would sleep was when Braden was there and I was so exhausted I would fall asleep on him, then he would have to go home and I was awake all night. I watch every single Gray's Anatomy season, every movie in the house, pretty much every movie at red box and blockbuster, that all I did at night was watch movies, well attempt to watch them. most nights I just lay in bed crying thinking of my baby girl, what she was doing, thinking right now she might be up eating and her mom is feeding her and rocking her back to sleep and singing to her. As I would fall asleep I would wake up thinking I heard her crying, searching for her in the dark, then remembering she isn’t there. I would break down sobbing, missing her to very much, wondering if the pain would ever go away. if she would ever think of me, know that I loved her, still love her. if she would want to see me when she was older, I have an open adoption but wasn’t sure where it would go as it was new to both the allens and i. they were cautious of my feelings as i was of theirs. We talked about what I had hoped for in the open adoption but I was sure if that’s what I really wanted. I would call my sister Laura and text her and my mom, but no one ever really understood the pain I was feeling, their loss was a different kind of loss than a mothers loss. I look at placing Evelyn as a loss, a hole in my heart, it was my decision yes, and yes just because I DECIDED this was the best thing for my daughter I have every right to experience this as a loss and heartbreak. Some people who didn’t understand expected me to just move on the next day, sorry it doesn’t work that way. Those next seconds, minutes, hours, days, months were very painful. I never thought I would be ok again be able to move on or be loved again. I didn’t think anyone would want me, a young divorced girl who had a baby out of wedlock and just placed her for adoption, i felt so broken, but there was Braden right there, I didn’t know it then that we would be married let alone date, but he says he did :) He was there every second every minute he wasn’t working he was with me, making sure I was never alone, he was there when I went to visit Evelyn and the Allens 2 days after placement and I was able to get to know the rest of the family better. HE has been there for every visit except a couple. The allens love braden and Evelyn just adores him, sometimes she will talk to him more than me :) i love it..

Eventually life got easier. each day got easier. I had a fellow birth mom tell me when I was close to delivery that it gets easier, she had placed her little girl 6 months prior when she told me this and I thought she was crazy, and there is no way it gets easier, but she was right .. for me right around 6 months old I found myself being able to cope and go about life with a better outlook. I was taking care of myself again, going to the gym, making myself look pretty and presentable again. I had been dating officially started dating braden a few months after placement( I had know him for almost a year at this point). I found myself wanting to adventure out of the house on dates with Braden, and just getting out of the house again. I was still hurting and Braden made sure to never leave me alone, he was a huge support to me after placement and I can't count how many times he held me as I cried and he was always there for me, but I KNEW I was never alone, family and friends were always there but my Heavenly Father was there too, he understood my pain I felt, my sorrows, he knew I would be okay and I was. This was my toughest trial I have ever endured in my life, and I am sure I will have more to come, not to this extent but trails in different ways.
I do still miss her, and has a small hole in my heart that will always be missing.Don't get me wrong I still have my days when I cry and feel like I am back at square one, but i am always reminded of the reason why I placed her with her parents. They were always meant to be her parents. I am at peace with my decision. I knew it then and still know it now, adoption was the best decision I could have made as a mother for my daughter, she deserves everything in the world and I gave that to her. I was able to help an amazing couple start their eternal family. Evelyn has a 2 parent home and Eternal family. She KNOWS who I am, she loves me. I will always miss her but this miss I feel is very different than it used to be. I love her so much and I look forward to our visits. Unfortunately I will not be celebrating her 3rd birthday with her this year, but that’s life, we all get busy and move on (never forgetting) with our daily routines and our individual family life, we are able to Skype and talk to her on the phone, which makes me ever so happy and I know Evelyn is very happy too she loves being on the computer and seeing the video. I am grateful to share a birthday month with her, it always means 2xs for sure I get to talk to her, on my birthday oct 10, which Evelyn did call me and told me happy birthday and I love you and told me all about her new dance class where she is learning Ballet and Tap and loves every minute of it, and her birthday oct 28th. I look forward to those two days every year and I can’t wait to see that cute little face and tell her I love her oh so very much and visit with Lynzie, she is my friend, one of my best friends and I love our conversations and just being able to enjoy my time with her.

24 days / 27 days

In 24 short days my life changed forever. I gave birth to the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.

 

Those 3 days I will cherish forever, as Evelyn's mother. Those 3 days in the hospital I was a mother for the first time. Staring into her eyes, looking back at me, telling me this was meant to be, i know you love me and will forever love me. Those were the 3 hardest days of my life.

Day 1(oct 28th)- I spent loving my daughter, caring for her, feeding her, changing her diapers, rocking her to sleep, holding her, never wanting to let her go, knowing this 100% the right decision. My mother and sister holding her, loving her to. Cherishing those 3 days like I was.

Day 2(oct 29th)- the toughest of the 3 days, I had changed my mind, I wanted to keep her, raise her, didn’t want to let her go, I didn’t like seeing my mother, sister hurting in pain, but I was in pain too, I was struggling. Seeing her birthfather hold her, thinking we can make this work, he will move here, he will be around 100% of the time, he loved me (at least that’s what he said when he held E for the first time). I knew deep in my heart he would never be around for her or I. I have never prayed so hard in my life, trying to find comfort and peace in my decision to place her, I was hurting and if I kept her I would stop hurting, but she wouldn’t have everything she needed, Her birthfather wouldn’t have stuck around, married me, cared for us. I would be a single mother, knowing I could easily do this, but was it the right thing to deprive this special Daughter of Our Heavenly Father both a mother and a father? The Allens could provide her with a safe home, 2 loving parents, a life of adventure and travel, most importantly the GOSPEL, An ETERNAL FAMILY. I prayed so hard with this perfect little girl in my arms, her birthfather asleep on the couch, I stayed up all night, never putting her down for a second. Early in the morning as the sun was rising, I got my answer, Daniel and Lynzie are her parents, this is meant to me, I couldn’t deprive her of the life she was suppose to have. As much as I was hurting inside, as much as I wanted to keep her (so I would stop hurting and those around me wouldn’t hurt) it was no longer about me or them, it was about HER, this special Daughter of Heavenly Father, it was his plan all along. I felt so much peace when the sun rose that last morning at the hospital. The last morning I would be her mother, I would care for her, the last day she would be mine.

Day 3(Oct 30th)- a day filled with peace and love. A day her Grandma Warner and Aunt Laura loved on her and held her with so much love. A day I felt so loved by MY Heavenly father, he knew my pain and what I was going thru, he never left my side. I knew my daddy was right by my side telling me everything would be ok, this was the plan, he loved Evelyn and Evelyn understands the plan. Evelyn loves me and will always love me and understand he said. I left the hospital at 7pm that night after a beautiful placement ceremony, with my family, Daniel and Lynzie, The Allen grandparents and The Greer grandparents. Everyone had left after, taking everything to the car, leaving me and the birthfather alone in the room, cherishing our last few minutes with Evelyn, saying our final goodbye. The nurse came in, I sat in the wheelchair, holding my little perfect angel and they wheeled me out to the car, Daniel was there waiting holding her carseat. We all said our final see you laters ( I would see them in the morning to sign). I kissed her forehead, placed her in the carseat buckled her in ( I knew she was safe) they turned around placed her in the car and drove off. This moment was when I thought I would never be ok again, never recover from this pain. I knew it was still the right decision but it still hurt like no other pain I have felt before.

We all went home that night together, my family and I. I get home and see the box of stuff I had bought for Evelyn realizing I forgot to give it to her parents, the my mom told me Daniel and Grandpa Greer ( Lynzie’s dad) were on their way over to give me a blessing, how sweet I thought, he has a brand new baby, his daughter at home, and he is coming her to make sure I am ok and give me a well needed blessing. They truly do love me and care for me. Daniel showed up gave me and my family blessings, I gave him the box of stuff telling him all the little things about Evelyn I forgot to tell him, how to calm her when crying, her binkie, the little things she did, how often she at, how to feed her and burp her….

Oct 31st- This day was a hard one, the day I signed saying I am no longer her mother, I didn’t sleep at all that night, kept thinking I heard her crying, looking for her in the dark. I showed up to the appointment late and I didn’t think I could go thru with it…. I ran into the agency, Audra (my caseworker) was there waiting, I ran into her arms sobbing, she didn’t think I was going thru with this, I told her I was still going thru it was the right thing I knew it, I had just seen Daniel and Lynzie and all the emotion hit me, they also turned around and was driving away. Audra takes me and my mom and sister into the larger office we all sit down and Audra calls Lynzie to come back to the office that I was okay. Danny is carrying Evelyn in her carseat and places her right in front of me, she was already unbuckled ready for me to pick her up. We all held her for the last time, this day was a peaceful day. When it came to signing I took forever, the secretary kept coming back and finally we just decided to tell Audra when I was fully ready. It was a couple hours we spent together before I signed, that’s a hard thing to do, make that final signature saying you’re no longer her mother. I sat and held Evelyn, telling her I love her, all my hopes and dreams for her, that not a day a second will go by that I don’t think of her. I will always be there for her when she needs me. She will never wonder who her birthmother is and why she made this decision. She will always know how much I love her. She is a blessing in my life. I asked her to tell me if she was ready and to open her eyes and look at me if she was, a few seconds later after I said I love you and kissed her on the forehead she opened her eyes, a sense of peace overwhelmed me, she was ready, I was ready, this was truly the right thing, Heavenly Father was right there with me along with my dad. The room was quiet as I sign that final signature. I gave the paperwork back to Audra and looked down at this perfect little girl. I was happy she was with who she needed to be. I handed her to Lynzie, they are the perfect family, Evelyn fits right in with them. She has so much love.

I am grateful I have an open adoption. To see Evelyn grow up and know who I am, means the world to me. she is the most perfect little girl I have ever seen.

I love you forever and always Evelyn Giselle.

where has the time gone to

in just 1 short month this little angel will turn 3.. where did the time go.. seems like i was being rushed to the hospital just yesterday.. I love this little girl with all my heart.

in just 1 short month this little angel will turn 3.. where did the time go.. seems like i was being rushed to the hospital just yesterday.. I love this little girl with all my heart.

Wondering

I have found myself lately wondering about what my life would have been like had I decided to keep Evelyn. I think about this as I look at my son and play with him and witness his first smile, his first coo, the first time his little blue eyes follow me when I talk.

I know exactly what my life would be like. I would still be working in my old department at Wells Fargo trying to manage the crazy hours with being a single mom, balancing work and daycare to make it work for me. It would have been harder for me to go back to school to finish my degree, I would still be on the path to become a teacher instead of an adoption counselor. It definitely wouldnt be easy being a single mother, I know I would be struggling. I never realized how expensive a baby was and how hard it would be to raise a child. And most importantly she wouldnt be sealed to me and have a dad. She is part of an Eternal Family and has a father in her life who she loves and his a complete daddys girl. She has a wonderful, beautiful, patience loving mother who is there 24/7 for her.

Having my own son now and still working, but in a way better department with better hours, I still get the needed time with him. He is my pride and joy. I love being a mom and a mom at the right time and in a good relationship with his dad there to help me and part of his life. I have a wonderful husband who is willing to get up with middle of the night feedings and let me good to bed when I am tired and Easton doesnt want to go to sleep and is just fussy and I am so tired my patience is  100% gone. These are times I think of my baby girl and I am grateful she has a mother and a father, who are both there all the time and her mom can be home with her 100 % of the time, these are things I dreamed for her to have. I know without a doubt she is with her Mom and Dad, they were always meant to be their daughter. I am grateful for open adoption and to be a part of her life.

This post is not in anyway saying I regret my decision I never regret it. she is where Heavenly Father meant her to me.I do miss her and have my wonders of what if's but I still know she is with her parents.

I love both my babies and Easton will always know who Evie is and he will grow up to love her and protect her from a far.

I still cant believe oct 28th will be 3 yrs since I had my angel and oct 31st will be 3 yrs that I signed my rights as her mother. I am forever grateful for those 3 days I was her mother I love you baby girl

It's been awhile

So today I realized its been months since I posted anything. Alot has happened since I last posted. I had my precious little boy on July 26th @ 232pm. He was 7lbs 8ozs, 20 inches long. I was in labor for 11 hours this time, he was sunnyside up and i pushed for 1 1/2 hours with my epidural wearing off, let me tell you I will never never deliver a baby naturally by choice, i dont suggest it, it hurts, its painful and exhausting, I dont remember the last part of my delivery I was so out of it until they placed EASTON MARK HATCH in my arms. He was the most perfect baby I could ask for. My emotions were all over, memories flooding back in when I first got to the hospital in labor, I couldnt help but remember when I first got to the hosptial when I was pregnant with Evelyn. I wasnt ready i kept thinking, it was too early, I am suppose to have 2 more weeks with her, where she was mine and she was close to me, 2 weeks where I was taking care of her and she needed me, relied on me. I had 15 people in the delivery room, I was stressed, there was alot of commotion going on, family rushing to make it in time for the delivery, tears were shed, happy tears and sad tears. this time around it was just me and Braden, the room was calm, I was calm, once I got the epidural, I was nervous, I slept a little this time, IT was another very special time for me, I was going to be a mom and this scared me, still scares me, still seems unreal. As we left the hospital I was hit with alot of memories and emotions, I remember being wheeled out with Evie in my arms Ray by myside(who wasnt happy with my decision for our daughter but I did was what best for her), I get to the sliding doors, my mom, sister laura, Daniel and Lynzie there waiting for me, I thought I can just turn around walk back to my room and keep her, but its not what was best, I walked out those doors, greeted with love from Daniel and Lynzie, Danny was holding the carseat, I placed my sweet girl into her seat and buckled her in, she was safe, they gave me big hugs and walked to their car and drove away, I ran to my mother sobbing in her arms, Evie was gone, my sweet angel gone just like that, I get in the car with Ray we drive to my house, we get home, I find the box of stuff I bought evie and forgot to give her parents, I loose control and sob again, my mother tells me Danny and Grandpa Greer are on there way over to give us all blessings, how sweet of them, they have a newborn and he is coming to care for me, this is why I love this family and that I know I choose the right family for Evelyn. Coming home this time was very different, I buckled Easton up, sat in the back seat with him, starred at him, he was sleeping so content, He was mine, I was taking him home. I feel so blessed to have made all the right choices in my life after placement, to stay on the right path, keep my life moving in the right direction.

Easton is my pride and joy. We love him so much, he is almost 2 months old now and growing like crazy. WE got to spend time with Lynzie Evelyn and Micah last week. Evie got to meet her birth brother (lynzie calls him- i love it better than half brother) and she loved him Micah loved him too. Evie was so sweet. we played and laughed and took pictures.. The blessings of open adoption, I love my adoption and having my sweet boy and being a mom now I never regret placing Evie with her family I know she is where she is to be. This was Heavenly Fathers plan, no matter how much it hurt. She is part of an Eternal family as is Easton.

Memories

A Special Mothers Day Card!

I received this Mothers day card in the mail. I love when I get homemade things in the mail from my sweet Evie.

Birthmothers Day

The day before Mothers day every year is Birthmothers day. This is my 3rd Birthmothers/Mothers day. As time goes on it gets a little easier, but its still a very hard day for me. This is my first Birthmothers Day that I will not spend it with my favorite little family and get to see Evelyn. It has really hit me this week. its been 2 years 6 months 7 days since I placed her in the arms of her Mother Lynzie. I miss her every day. They have been in Boston since August 2010 and be heading on to their next adventure in San Francisco July 1st.

Yes I am expecting my own little man in just a short 13 weeks and I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day with him, but as I think about Birthmothers day this year, its just as hard as the past 2 years have been. I find myself on sundays in sacrament meeting during the time when the young men are passing out the special Mother's Day treat I still don't feel I should stand. Yes I am a Mother I still see Evelyn as my daughter but I am a different kind of mother I am a Birthmother, a special Mother.

Braden made sure this was a special day for me. It started out sleeping in, he cleaned the house earlier this week so I could relax today. I woke up to flowers with my favortie candy and soda.

Then I meet up with him at work for lunch and a cute little cafe and got a big tub of gelato from The Queen Creek Olive Mill, the we headed to dinner at  La Grande Orange in phoenix, this resturant has special meaning to me, its a place Danny and Lynzie took me for dinner at one of our many times together while I was pregnant. I remember the conversation and where everyone sat and what we ordered. They gave me a gift card for Christmas this past year for La Grande Orange and I am excited to celebrate Birthmothers day at this special place and reflect on the past 2 1/2 years and where I have come from that point.

The highlight of my day was when The Allens called me and I got to hear sweet Evelyn sing to me.. I was overcome with emotion, it meant so much for them to remember me today. It was my first Birthmothers Day wiuthout them and having them call made my day even better. It was a little hard but I reflected on the reason I made this stuff choice in my life. Evelyn and the Allens have blessed my life so much, Evelyn helped me get back to where I needed to be, where I was the happiest, The Allens have blessed my life by always supporting my decisions and allowing me the opportunity to be a part of their family and see Evelyn grow up and for her to know who I am.

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Skye Hardwick

Hoping to Adopt!!!!

http://makingourhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

Missing my Angel

Today I miss my Angel. I can't help but remember all the emotions I went thru when I was pregnant with her. I am in a very different situation now and expecting my first little boy now with my husband. its hard to not compare at times and I really try not to compare. I only have 16 weeks left till little man is here. Its crazy, coming up with a name you agree on, designing the nursery, buying clothes, everything I didn't really get with Evelyn. Even having a baby shower I didn't have one and my mother in law is throwing one for me in June and I am so excited for it.. it took me a little bit to get excited for it.. but i am getting excited about everything at the same time I cant help but think of my Angel and miss her so much. I want to play with her at the park, hug her, kiss her, snuggle her, hear her say my name everything, its hard knowing they are on the other side of the US right now, but they will be back this summer and the next thing is to wait and see where her dad will be working. I am so excited for all the opportunities she is getting and will be continuing to get in her life.

I love you Evie girl and always will  .. BESOS!!

I love being pregnant again, its so different, I love having such a wonderful husband around taking care of me and being their for me, rubbing my belly, kissing and talking to the baby.. he is such a blessing in my life and I am so grateful everyday for Heavenly Father placing him in my life. I LOVE YOU BABE!!!

remembering...

I can't help but remember when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant with Miss Evelyn, as i am currently expecting my first child with my husband, it does bring back memories. At 4 1/2 months the BF came out and saw me then he ignored me for 2 weeks, at this time I also meet Braden, now I was still with the BF so of course i didn’t start dating Braden, well in 2 weeks is when the bf decided to leave me and that he no longer loved me and then my immediate decision that i had to place this Child of God for adoption, she deserved a 2 parent home. That Monday I meet with my caseworker Audra and told her I want adoption, saying it was so much easier than the actual placement day. I still attend my BM support group as frequently as I can. 2 1/2 years later I still find solace in group and the amazing girls there. It brings back memories at this point in my pregnancy and it’s very hard not to compare the 2. I know most people compare all their pregnancies. I tend to not compare my life then and now anymore, because my situation is so different now. I have such an amazing man who loves me and is very excited to be a daddy and who cares about my health and has made it to all but 1 appt so far, that is a difference i went to all but 2 of my appts alone. my sister came to my gender appt and then I had my AP's at my final regular appt before the fun cervical checks so they could hear their baby girls heart beat what a wonderful experience that was to have them there. I find that I have little reminders of my 1st pregnancies, mainly with how far along i am.. 4 1/2 bm visits and I meet Braden, 5 months BF leaves me, 5 1/2 months first date with Braden( he stole my # from our friends) 7 months I pick baby girls eternal family and 38 weeks exactly I deliver the most amazing beautiful healthy little girl. these are all important points in my life but now I remember them but move past them because I have moved on but not forgotten about her. I will never forget about her. I tend to remember random things in my life and these are a few. My goal is to not compare anymore.. On another note..

This past week we were able to Skype with them and Evelyn was a little talker, which was very different than past web chats, I loved it she is getting so big and so smart. she talks so clearly. She sang ring around the rosie for us for a little then she was being a monkey climbing on the couch and all over her daddy, loving on her brother. at the end of the call she said "love you heather, love you braden" blew us kisses and M (little bro) blew us kisses too. it was the most precious call. I always love catching up with the Allens. I do dearly miss them.

My Special Little Valentine

I received a very special Valentine this year. I have the cutest, smartest, most adorable little Valentine. She was so sweet to send me a few homemade Valentines (with the help of her Daddy) she made the cutest little lady bug and bear for me and even made a little pop up heart cart for me.. she decorated the envelope with I Love You. She is getting so big. She is now 2 years 4 months old. I love this littel girl with all my heart, she is a true blessing in my life.

"He'll carry You"

I was at work the other day, a little stressed, so i put on some Hilary Weeks on my Pandora radio (always relaxing) and this song came on. I instantly thought back to the toughest time in my life, where I thought I would never make it out, My heart was ripped from my chest, my Baby was gone, I could only smell her, see her when I closed my eyes, heard her cry when I tried to sleep, yet she wasn't there. I missed her so much those first months after placement. I can say it gets easier and easier, but that doesnt mean I miss her any less or don't think of her every minute of every day. I have her picture on my wall at work, I see her everyday those big beautiful brown eyes, beautiful smile. I was sad again for a moment when this song came on and as I listened to the words closely ( getting distracted at work) I understood the meaning of this song. I was carried by my Heavenly Father, he knows and Knew the pain I would be suffering. HE was there helping me guiding me, keeping the faith in me... letting me know I made the right decision the BEST decision for my ANGEL.

He'll Carry You

He knows your heart
He knows your pain

He knows the strength it took just too simply breathe today

He sees the tears that you cry

He knows your soul is aching to know why

He hears your prayers each humble word

When you said you couldn’t face another day he understood

He knows the path that you will find

Though you felt alone he’s never left your side

Chorus:
He knew there’d be moments when no earthly words

Could take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you



He’ll bring you peace and leave you hope

And in the darkest night he’ll comfort you

Until you know the sun will rise and each new day

You will have the strength to live again



Chorus:

And when there are moments when no earthly words

can take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you

He hears you when you’re crying in the night

He hears you when your soul longs to find

Till the morning will come

And the light of the dawn reassures

 Chorus:

That in the moments when no earthly words

can take away your sorrow

And no human eyes could see what you’re going through

When you’ve taken your last step and done all that you can do

He will lift your heavy load and carry you
 
 
This was the hardest thing I know I will have to experience in my life and I know adoption was the BEST choice. I had to think of Heavenly Father's Daughter, he intrusted her to me, and it was my job to get her to the family she was meant to be with. I am so grateful for adoption and the blessings of open adoption. Being able to have visits and emails and video chats with my ANGEL and her AMAZING PARENTS has truely helped my grieving. I know she is very loved but so many people.
 
I have seen adoption touch so many lives, Adoptive couples, birthmothers, brithgrandparents, sisters, brothers, mothers, those who are in the support circle. Adoption is an amazing Miracle to be apart of.

2 years 2 months 2 weeks 1 day

(E's Blessing------Laura, me, my mom the allens and Evie)

there isn’t a day that doesn’t go by i don’t think of the angel that touched my life, that changed my life. she has made me who i am today. has changed my life goals. she was a dear blessing to me. I feel very blessed to have an open adoption. i am happy and very content with where my adoption has come thus far. the first year of E's life i saw her quite often, this second year was very different than the first year, the reason being is her family moved to Boston for her daddy to get his Masters degree, at first i was very heart broken they were moving all the way on the other side of the US, but then i remembered this news wasn’t new to me.. i had known all D was planning on going to get his masters and the locations he was looking at.. i knew it would be a little harder her 2nd year because of the move, not seeing her as much, but as the days slowly went by i realized i was ok with this.. i still saw pictures on their blog and read the updates, i didn’t feel that far from her at that point.. in 2010 i saw miss E 1 time and that was right before she moved to Boston. What a very fun day, we went swimming and she sat with me swam to me played with me let me cuddle her when she wanted to be wrapped up in her towel.. i enjoyed every last min. I know i would have seen her a few more time in 2010 had they still been in AZ, but it’s ok. i didn’t think i would be ok with it but i really was. 2011 started off wonderful for me.. i got to play with her at the park, even though it was freezing and she had a few spills on the swing, and i stood and talked to L most of the time, i enjoyed watching her be a little toddler and playing on her own. they come back i believe sometime in May this year. I am very excited for them to be back and i know that if they do move again i will be ok with it because i know they are always thinking of me. She will always be my little angel. what a blessing it is to have a loving open adoption. i have been blessed to be apart of so many special events with E and her family. I am grateful i was there seeing her holding her as she became apart of an eternal family, it brought back memories of when i was sealed to my family at 17 yrs old. this is what i had wanted to give her, something i could not give her.

1-1-11 visit

What a wonderful way to start my New Year off.

A quick little visit with the most amazing family and little girl ever. To Evelyn I am "Header Hatch" I loved evey minute of our visit