Saturday, March 12, 2011

remembering...

I can't help but remember when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant with Miss Evelyn, as i am currently expecting my first child with my husband, it does bring back memories. At 4 1/2 months the BF came out and saw me then he ignored me for 2 weeks, at this time I also meet Braden, now I was still with the BF so of course i didn’t start dating Braden, well in 2 weeks is when the bf decided to leave me and that he no longer loved me and then my immediate decision that i had to place this Child of God for adoption, she deserved a 2 parent home. That Monday I meet with my caseworker Audra and told her I want adoption, saying it was so much easier than the actual placement day. I still attend my BM support group as frequently as I can. 2 1/2 years later I still find solace in group and the amazing girls there. It brings back memories at this point in my pregnancy and it’s very hard not to compare the 2. I know most people compare all their pregnancies. I tend to not compare my life then and now anymore, because my situation is so different now. I have such an amazing man who loves me and is very excited to be a daddy and who cares about my health and has made it to all but 1 appt so far, that is a difference i went to all but 2 of my appts alone. my sister came to my gender appt and then I had my AP's at my final regular appt before the fun cervical checks so they could hear their baby girls heart beat what a wonderful experience that was to have them there. I find that I have little reminders of my 1st pregnancies, mainly with how far along i am.. 4 1/2 bm visits and I meet Braden, 5 months BF leaves me, 5 1/2 months first date with Braden( he stole my # from our friends) 7 months I pick baby girls eternal family and 38 weeks exactly I deliver the most amazing beautiful healthy little girl. these are all important points in my life but now I remember them but move past them because I have moved on but not forgotten about her. I will never forget about her. I tend to remember random things in my life and these are a few. My goal is to not compare anymore.. On another note..

This past week we were able to Skype with them and Evelyn was a little talker, which was very different than past web chats, I loved it she is getting so big and so smart. she talks so clearly. She sang ring around the rosie for us for a little then she was being a monkey climbing on the couch and all over her daddy, loving on her brother. at the end of the call she said "love you heather, love you braden" blew us kisses and M (little bro) blew us kisses too. it was the most precious call. I always love catching up with the Allens. I do dearly miss them.

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