Saturday, January 30, 2010

15 month ago....

15 months ago:

i was in the hospital wiht miss evie who was only 2 days old
spending as much time as i could with her,
changing her diapers
feeding her
napping together
having visitors
preparing for my goodbye
deciding if this was really the best thing for her,
that night changing my mind, i was going to keep her, i couldnt bear the pain of letting someone go that i love so much,
prayed to my Heavenly Father for guidance and reassurance this was the best choice, stayed up all night holding her praying, finally getting confirmation this was the best decision for my little angel. i had to do what was best for her, not for me.. she deserved so much more than i could give,
as i held my angel, my blessing, a gift from God in my arms I knew without a shadow of doubt at that moment at 3am this was her family and she was meant for them,

now she has an amazing family,
she is a true daddys girl, my dream come true,
she has an eternal family
she knows i love her
she has a new baby brother, who i know will always protect her and lover her

as for me 15 months later
i am still with Wells Fargo Auto
I am planning on finishing my degree in Psychology and working for LDS Family Services
I got married 5 months ago to the most amazing man who loves and supports all my decisions, he is my best friend, my solemate, the one i will have my own family one day and i will grow old with.

15 months have gone by so fast, it seems just like yesterday i gave birth to my angel.  Its all still so clear that day, the day i signed  my rights is 15 months tomorrow-
Birthmother support groip was started and has grown from 3 woman to over 10 who come along with their supports parents and birthfathers. i am so greatful for this group, its a place i can go to and have people to relate and fully understand my pains and loss and missing my angel, a place i go for support. i am greatful for the amazing caseworkers we have and the love they show us.

I know the years are going to just fly by so quickly now, next thing i know i will have my own family and evie will be in school and maybe have a new sibling who knows. i am greatful for the allens they love me like i am family, the updates they send me the surprise visits they set up. I love them so much.

Evie I love you my angel, and miss you lots.. kisses and hugs

1 comment:

  1. I read this quote on another birth mom's blog and I love it. She said:

    "If love was all it takes to raise a child, then I'm pretty sure that we would have been the best parents ever"