Today marks 14 months since I signed my rights as Evelyn’s mother and placed her in the arms of her MOTHER. I can't believe it has been so long already. its feels like it was just yesterday I was in the LDS Family office with my mom and sister and the Allens and Ray. I remember those few short days as a mother so clearly. What an amazing feeling it was to be a mother and to help another woman fulfill her dream of becoming a mother.
14 months ago I signed my rights as Evelyns Mother.
I remember sitting at Family Services for over 2 hours slowly signing the papers as I held Evelyn in my arms, she was sleeping and every once in awhile she would open her eyes, as if she was making sure i was still there.. I sat and talked to her right before my final signature, telling her that she is loved and i will always a love her and never forget about her. Telling her my hopes and dreams for her. I want her to do well in school and love the gospel as much as i love the gospel. That i want her to graduate college and get sealed in the temple and have a family of her own. Telling her she will now have an Eternal Family, The Allens were meant to be her parents.
As much as that day hurt the worst leaving the office empty handed and as i arrived home feeling lonely. There was still some baby things in my room that i needed to give the allens that i made for Evelyn, I guess as we left family services, my mother was asked by Daniel and Grandpa Greer if they could come over that night and give me a blessing. I was over joyed, I had just given them Evelyn and they showed their love for me. What spiritual men they are. It was a reminder of why I placed my precious angel in their arms. They gave me a blessing and I handed them the items I had for her. I told Daniel everything Evelyn liked and how she loved to fall asleep, What to try when she was crying. They are amazing parents and Evelyn was truely meant to be theirs.
14 months seems like a long time, but really it feels as if i placed Evelyn yesterday with them. I really dont remember the days after too much. I know the birthfather left on Nov 1 and the rest of time i didnt want to be alone and Braden came over that night to be with me, He was a great source of comfort in this hard time. I am so greatful for the love that i have surrounding me, the support of my family, even though this was hard on them,m they will never truely understand the pain i went thru that day. Last night I had someone ask me if i regreted my decision to place my daughter, i responded as fast as i could NO. I dont regret it. yes i miss her but i know what i did was the right decision, i then had the opportunity to share my story with her. it turned out ahe understood, she had a friend who adopted and she had the opportunity to hear from a birthmother prospective.
I know more than anything our Heavenly Father has a plan for us. That he loves us and know what we are going thru.