Memories

A Special Mothers Day Card!

I received this Mothers day card in the mail. I love when I get homemade things in the mail from my sweet Evie.

Birthmothers Day

The day before Mothers day every year is Birthmothers day. This is my 3rd Birthmothers/Mothers day. As time goes on it gets a little easier, but its still a very hard day for me. This is my first Birthmothers Day that I will not spend it with my favorite little family and get to see Evelyn. It has really hit me this week. its been 2 years 6 months 7 days since I placed her in the arms of her Mother Lynzie. I miss her every day. They have been in Boston since August 2010 and be heading on to their next adventure in San Francisco July 1st.

Yes I am expecting my own little man in just a short 13 weeks and I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day with him, but as I think about Birthmothers day this year, its just as hard as the past 2 years have been. I find myself on sundays in sacrament meeting during the time when the young men are passing out the special Mother's Day treat I still don't feel I should stand. Yes I am a Mother I still see Evelyn as my daughter but I am a different kind of mother I am a Birthmother, a special Mother.

Braden made sure this was a special day for me. It started out sleeping in, he cleaned the house earlier this week so I could relax today. I woke up to flowers with my favortie candy and soda.

Then I meet up with him at work for lunch and a cute little cafe and got a big tub of gelato from The Queen Creek Olive Mill, the we headed to dinner at  La Grande Orange in phoenix, this resturant has special meaning to me, its a place Danny and Lynzie took me for dinner at one of our many times together while I was pregnant. I remember the conversation and where everyone sat and what we ordered. They gave me a gift card for Christmas this past year for La Grande Orange and I am excited to celebrate Birthmothers day at this special place and reflect on the past 2 1/2 years and where I have come from that point.

The highlight of my day was when The Allens called me and I got to hear sweet Evelyn sing to me.. I was overcome with emotion, it meant so much for them to remember me today. It was my first Birthmothers Day wiuthout them and having them call made my day even better. It was a little hard but I reflected on the reason I made this stuff choice in my life. Evelyn and the Allens have blessed my life so much, Evelyn helped me get back to where I needed to be, where I was the happiest, The Allens have blessed my life by always supporting my decisions and allowing me the opportunity to be a part of their family and see Evelyn grow up and for her to know who I am.

"A Birthmother puts the needs of her child above the wants of her heart" Skye Hardwick

Hoping to Adopt!!!!

http://makingourhappilyeverafter.blogspot.com/

Missing my Angel

Today I miss my Angel. I can't help but remember all the emotions I went thru when I was pregnant with her. I am in a very different situation now and expecting my first little boy now with my husband. its hard to not compare at times and I really try not to compare. I only have 16 weeks left till little man is here. Its crazy, coming up with a name you agree on, designing the nursery, buying clothes, everything I didn't really get with Evelyn. Even having a baby shower I didn't have one and my mother in law is throwing one for me in June and I am so excited for it.. it took me a little bit to get excited for it.. but i am getting excited about everything at the same time I cant help but think of my Angel and miss her so much. I want to play with her at the park, hug her, kiss her, snuggle her, hear her say my name everything, its hard knowing they are on the other side of the US right now, but they will be back this summer and the next thing is to wait and see where her dad will be working. I am so excited for all the opportunities she is getting and will be continuing to get in her life.

I love you Evie girl and always will  .. BESOS!!

I love being pregnant again, its so different, I love having such a wonderful husband around taking care of me and being their for me, rubbing my belly, kissing and talking to the baby.. he is such a blessing in my life and I am so grateful everyday for Heavenly Father placing him in my life. I LOVE YOU BABE!!!

remembering...

I can't help but remember when i was 4 1/2 months pregnant with Miss Evelyn, as i am currently expecting my first child with my husband, it does bring back memories. At 4 1/2 months the BF came out and saw me then he ignored me for 2 weeks, at this time I also meet Braden, now I was still with the BF so of course i didn’t start dating Braden, well in 2 weeks is when the bf decided to leave me and that he no longer loved me and then my immediate decision that i had to place this Child of God for adoption, she deserved a 2 parent home. That Monday I meet with my caseworker Audra and told her I want adoption, saying it was so much easier than the actual placement day. I still attend my BM support group as frequently as I can. 2 1/2 years later I still find solace in group and the amazing girls there. It brings back memories at this point in my pregnancy and it’s very hard not to compare the 2. I know most people compare all their pregnancies. I tend to not compare my life then and now anymore, because my situation is so different now. I have such an amazing man who loves me and is very excited to be a daddy and who cares about my health and has made it to all but 1 appt so far, that is a difference i went to all but 2 of my appts alone. my sister came to my gender appt and then I had my AP's at my final regular appt before the fun cervical checks so they could hear their baby girls heart beat what a wonderful experience that was to have them there. I find that I have little reminders of my 1st pregnancies, mainly with how far along i am.. 4 1/2 bm visits and I meet Braden, 5 months BF leaves me, 5 1/2 months first date with Braden( he stole my # from our friends) 7 months I pick baby girls eternal family and 38 weeks exactly I deliver the most amazing beautiful healthy little girl. these are all important points in my life but now I remember them but move past them because I have moved on but not forgotten about her. I will never forget about her. I tend to remember random things in my life and these are a few. My goal is to not compare anymore.. On another note..

This past week we were able to Skype with them and Evelyn was a little talker, which was very different than past web chats, I loved it she is getting so big and so smart. she talks so clearly. She sang ring around the rosie for us for a little then she was being a monkey climbing on the couch and all over her daddy, loving on her brother. at the end of the call she said "love you heather, love you braden" blew us kisses and M (little bro) blew us kisses too. it was the most precious call. I always love catching up with the Allens. I do dearly miss them.

My Special Little Valentine

I received a very special Valentine this year. I have the cutest, smartest, most adorable little Valentine. She was so sweet to send me a few homemade Valentines (with the help of her Daddy) she made the cutest little lady bug and bear for me and even made a little pop up heart cart for me.. she decorated the envelope with I Love You. She is getting so big. She is now 2 years 4 months old. I love this littel girl with all my heart, she is a true blessing in my life.