I did my first high school presentation 2 weeks ago. I presented at Compadre High School in Tempe. I was so nervous. I didn’t know how to tell my story without telling the real meaning behind my adoption because it involves the Church so much. On the top of my list for a adoptive family was a very loving open family, strong priesthood holders and to have Evelyn be part of an Eternal Family. How do you tell this to girls not of your faith? How as a 25 year old do you explain you didn’t feel you could give your daughter everything she needed yet more DESERVED? This was hard but when I did the 2nd class it was so much easier. My fear was they are teen moms who have chosen this how can I help these girls with my story, and one girl asked a question about adoption because a family member (sorry I don’t remember who it was) was adopted and didn’t think their Birthmother loved him and that is why and I was able to tell her I did this for Evelyn because I loved her so much. As much as my heart was breaking I loved her enough to place her with a family that I know she was meant for them.
I am not sure if these girls had the baby’s fathers in their lives or even if the boys went thru the pregnancy with them. ( off on a tangent I feel I need to blog about this)
The hardest part of my adoption was I felt so alone, it wasn’t till the end of my pregnancy that a support group was start with me and 2 other girls who were due around the same time with me. For some time I felt alone. I didn’t have the birthfather there, he didn’t want this adoption to happen but at the same time didn’t even try to be part of my life and help me.. I saw him once thru my whole pregnancy. I meant my now husband when I was 5 months preg but that didn’t mean he replace the BFather at all. Braden was a guy I thought was cute, but never knew I would end up marrying this man. I had friends that were supportive of my adoption and extended family who didn’t understand and family that didn’t understand. My mom told me she supported whatever my choice was. At the beginning the first 5 months I was planning on raising my baby with the Bfather and we were going to get married till he left me. Being along at 25 yrs old working 50 hours a week and going to all your appointments alone was hard. My Dr understood my decision but some others in the office didn’t and that was hard. People at work told me I was crazy and being selfish and this was the most selfless act I could choose.. I just want people to know this wasn’t an easy decision for me and 16 months later I still have a hard time. I am greatful I can turn to my support group on Wednesday nights for support. I love the girls and the caseworkers.
16 months later I can say it gets easier and harder at the same time. I feel I have missed out so much on her life. There are something’s I got to experience with her. Her trying to walk, her first birthday, I haven’t heard to speak clear words but I am told she likes “what” right now and knows how to say “auga” and she can follow directions in Spanish and English, I have a bilingual baby which I never thought would happen. For those newly BM’s or getting ready to place I will tell you it does get easier but I do have my hard times. I don’t have an extremely open adoption like a few of my friends do, but I am ok with that . its been 2 months since I last saw her. And its been hard but I am okay with it. I know I will see her on birthmothers day and in October. I am hoping to see her in April when my sister comes home from her mission so she can meet her for the first time. But that visit might be after may which is fine too. I love my adoptive family and I love having an open adoption and how much I am loved my Evies parents. They are so good to me.
11 months ago