Friday, December 25, 2009

Christmas

During Christmas this year, it's hard not to think of Evie and her family. Last year she was only a few months old and didn’t really know what was going, who Santa was, how to open presents. This year she is more aware of her surroundings and as Christmas arrived it is a bit harder for me this year than last. I find myself picturing her staring at the beautiful tree and the presents underneath it, the special gift Danny made for her this year, Opening the gifts and wishing I was there to experience Christmas morning. This Christmas I miss her very much, I am not sure why it’s harder this year than last, maybe its cause she is getting older, she is more alert and aware of her surroundings. I am not sure why. But I still know with all my heart placing her with her PARENTS was the right thing, she was meant for them. Heavenly Father knew I could handle this even though there are days I feel I can’t. I don't ever once regret my choice. I know it was the right one. More so this past week has been hard. The other day I found myself looking at baby ornaments and got sad, i wantd so bad to buy a bunch of them for a christmas tree. I imagined her nursery with her little tree and her ornaments, this was hard. Christmas is my favorite time of the year. I realized what I could do. I would purchase an ornament for her, an adoption, birthmother ornament. Now it’s very hard to find one. So I was looking for a perfect ornament that would represent our experience in a happy way not a sad one. My father in law use to work for Hallmark so I got the idea to look there and found an ornament call “Shining Moments” 2008. I decided to choose 2008 ornament because this is when Evie was born and the year I placed my little girl. I thought what a more perfect ornament than this. Truly this past year has been a shining moment for me and The Allens. We both have been blessed in so many ways, and for that I am grateful. I look at my experience as a Shining Moment, not because attention is on me for placing a child. I am not a person that shares my experience to be put on a pedestal. I tell people when it’s appropriate that I am a birth mother and why I placed to educate them on adoption and how much it has changed.

This Christmas I am grateful for the blessing of open Adoptions, and being able to know my daughter and her family. It makes times like this a lot easier. When i got my surprised visit 2 days ago, it really made my week. The Allens are very loving caring wonderful family. I know they love me and they dont forget about me. I love them with all my heart and know they are Evelyns family and this was God's plan.

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