just today, a small whole in my heart

Today this is what I am missing. My sweet angel laying sound asleep on my chest, feeding her, holding her, soothing her while she cries, yes changing her diapers. Today I miss this. Its not that I want her back it just I miss the FEELING of caring for a little precious child that doesnt know anything. I know one day Braden and I willhave our own children when the time is right, but that time is not now and I am ok with that. I just have my moment when I miss her. I think what started what remembering my sweet sister is about to return from her mission in march and will hopefully meet her a few weeks later. All this reminded me of the day I gave birth, she wasnt there but she called and my twin sister put her cold hand on Evie chest so she would cry for her Aunt Momo to hear, the great love and support she showed me hundreds of miles away and the support and love she still has for me and Evie and her family.  I a, very greatful for The Allens and the love they show me and I am reminded that they havent forgotten me.